R.I.P. "Uncle" David

My "Uncle" (actually my Great-Uncle) David has passed away. The most eccentric member of my family, my Great-Uncle David was the sort of person you never forget. He was a hairdresser, a gourmet cook, and a psychic. Back in the 90's he had a cable access TV show (PSYCHIC VOYAGES WITH DAVID SCHNEIDER). In fact, local KC rag THE PITCH once even named him KC's "Best Psychic" back in 2003.

Here is what they had to say:

"The former host of the lovably campy public-access TV show Psychic Voyages, which ran weekly from 1984 to 1996, David Schneider is frequently tapped for radio appearances, public seances and occasional investigative work. "A detective called me to visit a crime scene once, a bedroom where two little girls had been murdered," he says. "I saw it all, in horrifying detail, then pointed out the window and said, 'They're stuffed in a hole right out there.' And the victims were discovered in a culvert. It was too upsetting. I'll never do that kind of work again." A hair-stylist by day, Schneider started giving professional psychic readings 35 years ago, after a party stunt turned dead serious: Dressed as a gypsy, Schneider was using a light fixture as his crystal ball and thought he was just pretending to give readings until one of the party guests told him he was uncannily accurate. After that, he started studying psychic phenomena. "He's really almost always on target about health, money and business," says one longtime client. "Not so great on love stuff. He's really a meat-and-potatoes psychic."

Ironically, he had some of the worst luck. Bad things happened to him...a lot.

He wasn't always easy to get along with, and I actually see a lot of my own anti-social/grudge-holding tendencies in him. The guy didn't mess around, there was a period of 7 or so years when we didn't hear from him because of a fight he had with my mother (he fried her hair while trying to dye it or something). Still, like most people he was something of a contradiction--despite his rough edges he was also very generous. The guy was broke for most of his life, but he always gave us gifts and brought elaborate gourmet-goodies (very expensive, primo-shit) to our holiday parties.

One of my earliest memories of him was the time he came over and gave me a giant, inflatable Godzilla. It scared the crap out of me. I remember hiding under the kitchen table...

In the past few years he'd drifted back into my families little sphere, faithfully attending all of our family functions/graduations. Though he was too sick to travel to St. Louis for my wedding, his was key in that very important day because he provided me with my wedding band. I'll never forget the conversation we had after Thanksgiving dinner about the heirloom that now sits on my finger. So even though he's gone, I'll always carry around a little part of him.

I'm sad that there isn't going to be a funeral, but as it was is wish, there will be no formal service. Still, I plan on going out to attend the internment of his ashes.

Rest In Peace "Uncle" David.

And Speaking of my weird ass artwork...

I can't believe it...but science (damn her) has actually proven that making THIS:



...actually helped me learn better. Weird.

Zillas!

One of my toy Godzillas:



Original photo:

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary! THOUGHTS OF A LIMEMONKEY is three years old! Wow, I can't believe I've wasted so MUCH time. Oh well.

Here's to three more!

Classic Limemonkey Comedy Moment--Soap

I was messing around on Youtube, and I was reminded of this nugget of "classic Limemonkey comedy."



It's not an act folks. I need help.

The Limemonkey makes the (digital) pages of The American Communication Journal

Well this is interesting. I received a comment today on YOUTUBE from a college kid, somewhere, who was doing a paper for a communications class--this is what he/she had to say:

Hey, I don't know if you already know, but for school i'm doing an assignment about youtube and vlogging, and while researching this video came up in an article in the American Communication Journal.

the link is:
(triple-w)acjournal(dot)org/holdings/vol10/01_Spring/articles/molyneaux_etal.php

cool hey? :-)

Sure enough if you go here you can read an article entitled "Exploring the Gender Divide on YOUTUBE: An Analysis of the Creation and Reception of Vblogs." Not only is my very first video blog linked in the article, but this is what they had to say about it:

Similarly, in the second video, indoor male (IM), the vlogger presents his viewers with a brief update on his daily life. He states what he has been doing for the past week, mainly writing, as well as his plans for the next few days: going to the movie theatre, and taking his fiancé’s dog to obedience class. Like the woman, he too is vlogging from his bedroom. He is lying down on his bed, addressing the camera. The furnishings in his room appear sparse in comparison to the woman’s room. There are a few pictures arranged on the back wall of his room. Nothing is hung on the beige, concrete side wall. His room appears to be a university dorm room.

Here's the video in question:




Wow. As if being married to an ex-Psych major wasn't bad enough, I got people I don't even know analyzing me!!! I thought this was mildly amusing, so I decided to share it.

By the way, it's only 11:15Am but I'm having a HORRIBLE day. I nearly walked out of the office and went home. My boss-in-law in driving me nuts.

"Thoughts of a Limemonkey" Version 0.1

So I did some shit today, and I was going to blog about it...but instead this caught my eye today:



What the hell is it? It's a journal that I bought (for real cheap, as I recall) and used in a capacity very similar to this blog. I even had pictures! Most of those were just things that I cut out of magazines.



It's makes for a very interesting read--there's album reviews, crappy poetry, even a few satirical Biblical stories about Jesus (actual, they don't make fun of Jesus...so much as they make fun of my own limited knowledge of The Bible). BUT, the single greatest thing that's contained in this little black book WASN'T written by me at all...

It's a copy of the roast that my sister Amber wrote about me while she was in High School (apparently for Speech class). This thing is hilarious, Amber I hope you don't mind--here is the speech she gave (unedited, this is EXACTLY as she wrote it six years ago):

The Roast of Jason
by Amber

Imagine a six-foot one, nine-teen year old college sophmore who still lives in his mom's basement. His hair has not been cut in one year and he is just starting to be able to put his hair into a ponytail. And His favorite past time is playing on his Xbox. He also enjoys watching the Adult Swim on Cartoon Network every Sunday night instead of doing his homework. He is very sarcastic and most of the time acts like a complete jerk. He takes afternoon classes at Longview so he can sleep in and walk around in his underwear.

He's so rude that one time while taking me home from school one day he saw a woman on the side of the road and instead of leaving her alone like every other normal human being of course he had to say something. He proceeded to honk his horn at her all while yelling your fat! The woman just looked at us in horror as we drove by and I felt so bad while on the other hand my brother was laughing so hard he started to cry. And then there was the time he went out with my bestfriend and decided he wanted to break up with her so he did it while I was in the car. And of course neither one of them told me they were going out so you can imagine what kind of car ride that was.

And then there was the time he was working at Walgreen's and he accidentally locked himself in the freezer and he had to crawl through a vent on the floor and when he got out there was a customer just standing there looking at him. There are a million other incidents that I could tell you about if only they were school approriate. So that is all I have to say about the strange creature that is my brother Jason.

After re-reading this, I've decided that I want that etched onto my tombstone. Please, it says it all. Thank you Amber for getting me. Thank you...ah...I'm a horrible person.

"Two Kings"

Only Amber will get this:




EDIT: Another TOM GOES TO THE MAYOR-esque picture...for Amber--by request:

Stamp

Leah bought this stamp making kit (for the weddin') and I used it to make a big obnoxious "Limemonkey" stamp.

Here, see:

Limemonkey Life Update

So the wedding is Sunday.

I'm trying hard to NOT freak out...but it's hard. Really, really hard. But deep down, I know that like my High School graduation (and college?) nothing is really going to be different. Oh sure, I get a minor tax break...and Leah will have my last name...but really, will anything have changed?

No.

Anyway, it's not the "marriage" part that worries me. It's the "party/pageant" aspect of getting married. I always said I wanted a chick that'd be fine with running away to Vegas...and right now Vegas sounds pretty sweet. We have people that must be babied. People who must be convinced and begged to show up. People who call over and over wanting the name of the hotel. There have been social "boo-boos." People invited to the rehearsal dinner that shouldn't have been.

Ugh. And don't even get me started on the bachelor party situation (seriously).

What else is going on?

Well, this week I hunkered down and read my novel (what I have written). I'm trying to finish that bastard, but first I had to see where I left off. I have 196 pages written. The first 100 or so are gold. The rest is crap. I literally wrote a novella inside my novel--40+ boring pages of back story for a minor character. Yikes.

So once I axe that, and totally change the direction of the book...I'll be well on my way to finishing her up. Which I MUST do before November...because that's when NaNoWriMo starts all over again. And I really would like to have LAST YEARS novel attempt completed (at least the first draft) so I can compete again this year. Overall (talking about those first 100 pages), I'm impressed with how funny it is. When I was writing it, I didn't set out to "make it funny" but my humor comes across quite well. I also noticed that all of the characters seem to be shards of my own psyche. Which makes sense because the only person I really know is myself...so anyone I invent would be based (loosely) on myself. I like it how I've unconcsiously given my charcaters some of my odd habits (reading in the tub).

And finally:

The thing I'm most excited about is seeing my friend Paul tomorrow. We've decided to meet up at UMSL after work. We're going to go and hang out, just like we used to all those countless semesters. Now that he's out too, we both like to reminisce about the "good old days." Ah, getting old sucks.

Yep.

New Story Up

So I finally got around to editing my new short-story "Not Everything Has a Beautiful Beginning." Go and check it out on my other blog (and let me know what you think).

Click here.

Madhouse ("The Soap Episode")

Sometimes I feel bad for Rusty--he's the only "sane" person in this apartment...

Case in point:

"L'Esposizione Di Portabello" re-illustrated

The most fun I ever had writing, was "Sea Change." I wrote it in the dorms in a spiral notebook in between classes...I miss those days.



Re-reading "Sea Change," I feel compelled to point out that I was very much drug-free.

It's muddled, and weird for the sake of being weird...but damn was it fun to write.

iAmSTARcHILD

A Collage I made...

...for Leah, a long time ago. I think it was for our first V-day (I may be wrong about that). I just know that it was for some money-spending holiday. I was living in the dorms, and I had no money (as opposed to now, living in an apartment with no money). Anyway, I cleaned it up a little in Photoshop. Enjoy, Leah:

Taking a Break Today...enjoy the "Bumpers"

I'm tired. I have to eat Thanksgiving Dinner PART II here in KC, then drive the three of us home (me, Leah, and Rusty) to Saint Louis. I know there are a million things I SHOULD do today, but I'm not doing anything today.

I changed my "Welcome to the Insanity" picture at the bottom of the blog this week. To celebrate this momentous occasion, let's take a look back at all those blog bumpers from long ago...





And then there is this, a little movie I made for YouTube (promoting myself as usual):

From the Limemonkey Archives: Old Artwork

Again, not much to do...uploading some old pics onto my new laptop--and I thought you all might like to see some of my old artwork. I was inspired to post this after seeing a sketch that my friend/fellow blogger David posted recently. Go check his blog out.

Enjoy:

From the Limemonkey Archives: Hawaii

So I'm sitting here, waiting for a BBQ to start...putting all my old files onto my new laptop--and I'm going through a TON of old pics. As some of you know, I am obsessed with Hawaii. Two years ago, I made all my dreams come true--and I went (all alone) to those beautiful islands. Here's a small taste of that trip (dear God why have I not gone back!?):