Saturday, January 31, 2009

Eggplant Calzone

The vegetarian madness continues! Leah and I just sat down to a meal of delicious, made from-scratch eggplant calzones.They were big AND delicious (just like me). Behold:

I got the recipe out of a vegetarian cookbook that I'm currently thumbing through. One good thing about going "green" is that it's forcing me to ACTUALLY COOK again. My mother and I talked about this a little bit today. Too often people just micro-nuke the same (gross) thing over and over. Take the time to chop a few vegetables why don't-cha! It's good for you.

So good I forgot all about meat.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Poison Baklava

So I shop at SAM'S Club. I'm a member only because my Dad is a member and he let me join his account. Leah and I are just two people, and even though we're big people...we rarely need 50lbs of anything.

Still, every now and then I'll go and pick something up.

Case in point: Prior to driving home to KC for Thanksgiving I went and bought a giant party tray of baklava. My sister Amber LOVES this stuff (it's good). It's one of those "I'm getting it for you...but it's also for me" kind of things.

Anyway, TODAY JANUARY 30, 2009 (like 2 months later) SAM's Club sent me a letter stating that my baklava tray was probably poisonous.

Now, there are two things about this that scare the shit out of me:

1. Clearly SAM's Club is keeping tabs on my ass. Watching what I buy, keeping track in some sort of database. This is creepy in a big-brother sort of way (Jesus, I can never run for President because they'll know I like UTZ's Pub fat ass can eat 15 pounds of that a week).

But the REALLY scary part is...

2. That baklava tray is gone. We ate it TWO MONTHS AGO!!! Thanks for letting me know...I'll be sure to hop in my Official Doc Brown Delorean and make sure I don't eat 6 fucking pounds of potentially poisoned baklava.

You know what? If two months from now you find out that I you may have accidentally fed my poison...just keep it to yourself. I'm alive, you're alive--don't do it again, but you're cool.

Apparently this is all linked to that peanut butter scare (that is strangely making me crave peanut butter). I heard on NPR that a shipment of peanut butter from this Atlanta plant was rejected a few months ago in Canada because of "a putrid-smelling layer of film, unsuitable for human consumption."

You know what freaks me out about THAT statement? They make it sound as if there WERE SOME putrid-smelling layers of film that ARE suitable for human consumption.

Jesus, I need a drink.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009




In which I squirm out of doing my editing duty (and make collages instead)...

Fuck it.

I'm cold and my day sucked. I'm not editing tonight. I don't know what's up with me lately, but I feel like doing some old school collage-making. So that's what I'm gonna do tonight.

Maybe if you're nice I'll share.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

See Mom, it isn't my FAULT!!!

I got no friends. Here's why.

Nothing to do with me being an asshole.

EDIT: Before some of you jump on the "I'm your friend" bandwagon, get a gander what it is you're "friends with."

crazyman 001

Pretty messed up, isn't it?

EDIT2 (for my non-Facebook Friends):


Monday, January 26, 2009

Moving Forward

The past few days have been like a cold splash of water across my face. I'm not happy and I'm not doing anything about it.

I'm not sure which is worse at this point. My life kinda sucks or I'm lazy? Sheesh. I guess the latter effects the former...

Today's grime economic news (did ya hear like 50,000 people in this country lost there jobs today) did little to raise my spirits. But, for now, I seem to have a job so I guess I won't complain.

Anyway, my writing has stalled. I got about 30 pages of hand written stuff...and boy was that a horrible idea. Not only did my mind have to work, but so did my body? Yikes. Worse, I've been trying to backpedal and type up what I've got and it's so dreary and mind-numbing transferring it over to Word.

Experiment over. Bad idea. Bad idea.

I thought I could "move on" and work on something else (like my Uncle Stevie suggested in his book ON WRITING) but alas I cannot. It's been 2 months and a couple of days...I'm going to start editing my book. Wednesday. Today the decision was made. Tomorrow I'll psych myself up...and on Wednesday I'll dive head first into it.

One thing that working at my current job has taught me--I have an almost obsessive-compulsion to finish a project before I'm able to start another (I only wish everyone felt this way). I can't seem to get into anything new...there is something I have left to finish.

I hope the time I've taken away will make my mind fresh enough to tackle what is arguably the hardest part of writing. I do know that this will make a good number of people happy--so that's good. I have no idea how long it will take me to read and edit this thing. I do know that the last 20 pages will need some tweaking. I also know that the first 120 should be in pretty good shape (having been edited somewhat last fall).

It's a bit early, but I'm starting to put my first "readers" into tiers. Leah will be the second person to read it (after myself, of course). This is out of both love and proximity. After that I guess I'll move a little further out. And so forth, editing a little bit with each tier.

Anyway, wish me luck--and I'll keep you all posted.

Saturday, January 24, 2009


I can't explain to you why, but I seem to be a vegetarian. I have no ethical problem with eating meat. I mean...I'm not some big animal lover or anything. And it's not like I don't like meat (I do).

Weird, huh?

I've been off of red meat for about a year now. Oh sure, I'd eat it--but once I got out of my parents house I found I was nearly always eating chicken or turkey. I dated two vegetarians (one was a vanity-thing, the other an extreme animal lover) which introduced me to all sorts of veggie-exclusive dishes that I love. I guess it stems from that. My mother is also dealing with a major/minor medical problem that has her on a special diet--which is weird that the both of us radically changed the way we eat independently of each other.

I'm hoping it'll make me feel better.

I do need to eat more fruits and vegetables, so this will help that. I have two books to help me out, but I really only needed one--THE COMPLETE IDIOTS GUIDE TO BEING VEGETARIAN. So I'm reading that...and trying to figure out what to do with this tofu I bought Friday. I'm not going to be a Nazi about this or anything, like I said I'm not doing this for any ethical I'll probably end up eating (a little) meat one a week. And I'm not giving up cheese or dairy (I'm not fucking crazy). And I'm going to wear leather shoes.

So I guess not much is going to change...

In Regards to the last post...

I think this clip from STEP BROTHERS sums it up nicely:


When I was a kid I got into modeling. Unlike most boys though, I wasn't really into cars or airplanes. My thing was STAR TREK. I tired several times to build a model of the USS ENTERPRISE. The first attempt was with a really nice, expensive kit that was WAAAAY too advanced for my skill level. It was also a piece of crap. I built most of the damn thing, but the warp nacelles would NOT stand up. I though that perhaps I had done something wrong, but just this past week I found out that I was not only one who encountered this problem.

Anyway, I bought a cheap $12 model kit that had a much small ENTERPRISE and I built it--but I never got around to painting it. So it sucked.

I remember playing with a model of the ENTERPRISE that my Uncle David had built when he was a kid (not the starship but the NASA space shuttle). I'd lay on the floor in my room and wage a campaign against the Klingon Empire (represented by numerous bent-up coat hangers). My sister Amber and I had a conversation about toys recently--we both agreed the best toys we had growing up were the ones we improvised.

Give a kid a big, expensive toy, and watch him/her fall in love...with the box.

Anyway, a month ago I was at the mall and I saw a toy store going out of business (imagine that, right?). This store was the home of a Godzilla figure that I'd been wanting for several years (but Leah always said "no"). I went in and got not ONE but TWO Godzilla's (Classic 'Zilla and the more modern variant introduced in 2000--but NOT the American piece-of-shit). Anyway, it was a great "waiting-made-it-better" moment.

Leah and I have been watching the first season of STAR TREK on our Netflix stream. Amazingly, we both enjoy the shit out of classic TREK...which has, along with J.J. Abram's TREK trailer renewed my interest in TREK. So I went online and saw pictures of the new STAR TREK toys--and I was really bummed (that I wasn't a kid). When I was a kid, there was no super cool toys for TREK (or STAR WARS--at least, not until about 1998 when I was almost too old for toys). Let me just say--kids nowadays have all the luck (don't get me started on the official LEGO STAR WARS models that I would have cut off my arm to have when I was 12).

But, being an adult means you have money--which while not always the answer, can often help one surmount hurtles of both time and space (pun intended). Thus, I went on Amazon and bought one hell of a toy:

It lights up. It talks. It has a Starfleet symbol for a stand. It's a sweet replica of the classic 60's ENTERPRISE. And I didn't get a headache from any stupid glue--because this MO-FO came 100% put together--thus, I get my ship...minus the failure. For ONCE I feel being an adult ain't so bad after all.

Friday, January 16, 2009

HELP: Settle this Argument

Me and Leah have been going 'round and 'round about our housing situation for the past few weeks/past month.

Here is our problem: Leah wants a house and I don't think we can afford it.

I make about $25,000 and Leah makes slightly more than that. We pay $590 a month in rent right now. Right now, we have a lease that lasts until August. In August we BOTH want a new place--our current place is beginning to become a dump (bad neighbors, shitty landlord, etc.). I want more space, so does Leah.

Leah thinks we should get a house--I feel that with our low income, it would be stupid to OWN a home (she forgets that beside paying for a mortgage we will also have to pay property taxes, repairs, etc.). I argue that home ownership is more costly than she realizes.

I want us to get a home, but feel that neither of us is ready (i.e. makes enough money). I frankly, don't feel like I have a very reliable job either (did I mention that last week's paycheck was initially rejected by my bank?). I want a better situation for both of us before entering into true adulthood--home ownership.

Leah wants more puppies and a baby, things I've told her we can't have till we get a house.

Am I being crazy here? Or am I correct thinking we're not ready for this yet...

Thursday, January 15, 2009

AC/DC Spectacle

Tuesday Leah and I went downtown and saw AC/DC. The first concert of 2009 set the bar pretty damn high. Irish rockers The Answer took the stage at 7:30 and were pretty good (their lead singer sounded like Robert Plant AND was rocking long, curly blond hair).

AC/DC played for about 2 hours and were amazing. The band brought a crap-ton of "toys" with them (including a giant 50 foot train, a huge inflatable "big girl" for "Whole Lotta Rosie," six working cannons for "For Those About to Rock," and some pyrotechnics). The songs were great (even though they're old, the band sounded great) and the stage show was awesome. It was literally like a scene out of the Guitar Hero video games (it was over-the-top ridiculous). We had good seats, and even though I spent $200 on the tickets--I felt like I got my money's worth. The band played mostly old stuff (all the classics were included, if you can name it--they played it) along with a few new ones off BLACK ICE (all the good ones).

I was stoked just to see "Thunderstruck" and "Big Jack" live. Leah, however, was not as entertained as I was. Oh, she was a good sport about it--but I could tell she was not digging it as much as I was.


Getting out of the show wasn't a problem, but getting IN was STUPIDLY difficult. We showed up, it was like 12 degrees outside--all we wanted to do was get inside. I had Leah park in the Scott Trade Center garage (which we NEVER do, but it was too cold to walk so I shelled out $12 to park) and things went downhill from there. The foyer of the Center was packed--it was so full, most of the doors were open. We got locked into this crowd of old-rockers/metal smelled funny. Things went from bad to worse when they started walking through the crowd SELLING 24 oz Beer cans.

Yikes. Cos that's what I want to be trapped with--smelly drunk people.

Much like the time I went to City Museum and discovered I have claustrophobia, I've recently noticed that I DO NOT LIKE crowds. So that was a fun twenty-minutes. What was the problem? Get this: I bought my tickets online (Ticketmaster) but for the first time EVER, I was told that there was no option to have my tickets mailed to me. Nor was there an option to print them off myself (which are usually two of the three options, the third being "will-call"). But there was no self-print, mail, or will-call for this show. No, instead they tried something new called a paperless "e-ticket." Guess what our tickets were? My credit card.

That's right. We got up to the gates and we had to give the lady THE credit card I used to buy the tickets and she swiped it (twice) and this little hand-held device printed off these two cheesy-looking stubs.

Not only was this lame (I like saving my stubs--these are like a Wal-Mart receipt, I won't be saving this...and if I try I'm sure they're melt if they're exposed to air). Anyway, this new-type of ticket confused everyone and slowed the line down to A CRAWL.

Dear Concert Promoters/Venues: Please do not use this ticket method--it SUCKS.

Anyway, I've rambled enough...bottom line: AC/DC rocked. Leah bored. E-tickets suck.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

A Homemade gift (that DOESN'T suck)

This year, I was in a padded room for Christmas (not really, I was just taking some time off). As such, I didn't get to share all the wonderful things I got this year.

I got some wonderful things.

But you know, the economy stinks right now (in cases you hadn't heard) so there was much homemade gift-giving at my house this year. The best homemade gift, by far this year was one that I got from my baby sister Lindsey (who is now in Junior High).

It took her several years, but look what she made me with my mother's sewing machine:

It's a giant stuffed dragon pillow. How cool is that?

Boy, if I was Amber I would start working on my gift NOW...because it's going to take a pretttttty awesome gift to top that.


Saturday, January 10, 2009

New Flash-Fiction Up

Over at the other blog.

Two new ones up.


So I only have one 2009 New Year's Resolution--to read more.

To that end, I am on my third book of the New Year--Amy Tan's THE JOY LUCK CLUB. This book has been on my "to-read" list for some time now. I was sitting in one of my Lit classes a few years back, bored--and I happened upon a short piece in one of my anthologies (that I wasn't assigned to read, for some reason, all the GOOD stories are never assigned, but WHATEVER) by Amy Tan. I read it during the lecture and was hooked. When I found out it was an excerpt from a much longer work--I sought it out.

Now, me and Leah don't really "buy" books anymore. This lady-cop (doesn't that sound sexier than "policewoman?") I once worked with told me she used this website, where you trade books (only having to pay for postage). I've mentioned this site before, but it's amazing. Why aren't you on it?

Anyway, I got my copy of THE JOY LUCK CLUB for free on Paperbackswap. So I finished Cormac McCarthy's THE ROAD and I'm SUPPOSED to read THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE...but I can't make myself start this book. I'm sorry, I just can't. It's the girly cover. It's the "Oprah Book Club"-ness of the whole thing (which is ironic, because I don't think it was on Oprah's Book List, but THE ROAD was). Anyway, I start THE JOY LUCK CLUB instead. I get into the tub (where I do my reading) and I start the water...and I open the book...and this is what I see on the title page:

Yes, it's Amy Tan's signature. So I guess I snagged a signed copy of this book, which is cool because I'm really digging it. Not the sort of thing people imagine I read, but I'm reading it. I like it.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Long Hand

I have the germ of my next "novel" (I still feel like a pretentious douche-bag saying or writing I'm some sort of "novelist"). Unlike the still-to-be-edited THE MOSQUITO VINE, this next one is based on a short story I TIRED to write...but stopped because it felt like it wouldn't work as a short story.

I sat on the john last night and read over these 13 pages (I know, too much info--right?) of A GIRL NAMED SQUIB, and found I liked about a tenth of it. The general concept behind it. The execution was all wrong, but the intent was right. So I'm going to re-vamp that and have a go at it.

Except, my computer got sick and I began to ponder writing long hand. Now, my computer is fine again, but the idea lingers. In junior college, I used to write everything out long hand, then sit down and transcribe it onto the computer. The process was good because I almost never typed up what I had exactly as it was written. I made it better. This forced editing always made things better.

Plus, I notice that when I write on a computer, it comes out different. I use a whole different set of words. My vocabulary is better, frankly, because I have spell-check. My sentences are more complex. But it's also a bit more hollow. A bit more mechanical.

When I write free hand, my mind can't go as fast--everything gets slowed down and I think before I write and everything comes out more clearly. More to the point. Also, I don't prattle on needlessly...when your hand is aching, one tends to write more succinctly. So I'm going back to that, to my "roots" as it were. I want to work on this before I start editing next month on the first book. I want a second book in the works so I won't hold back on the editing. If it's gotta go, I want to be able to prune it off--without worry.

Anyway, I'm doing it. I'm starting this weekend. I've had a month off, it's time to go back to work. It's time to dream again.

Miss Me?

So I got discouraged and decided to get a new job. I locked the blog and left Facebook to avoid any perilous background GOOGLE-searches.

And people were bummed out.

Just so you all know, I cheated on this blog. All the while I was away I wrote in this little blank book I've had since 2005. It wasn't the same.

So after hearing a bunch of people say "when are you coming back?" for the 1000th time--I said "fuck it." Now I'm back.

But enough of that, there is some business to attend to:

1. Big shout out to Jimu who clean up my computer this past weekend after it came down with digital VD (massive Trojan attack).

2. Journalspace is gone? For good? Yikes. I hope that shit never happens to Blogger. Murph are you now on Blogger? What's the URL. Let me know so I can update the bookmark. I missed reading your blog (you wacky nut-case, you).

3. If you're not on get on it. It's amazing. The only New Year's Resolution I have (worth a damn, at least) is to read more this year. I also want to compile a list of everything I read so I'll be able to say "I read X number of books in 2009." Because I am that lame. BIG props to Terri for introducing this site to me. This blog is still around because without it I'd lose touch with cool people like Terri (and Brenda) who I'm unable to communicate with properly because I am so awkward.

So I'm back. Happy now?