Saturday, February 28, 2009


Can you tell I'm bored? More photoshop:


Original photo:

UPDATE: Still bored...


Original photo:



Look what they did to my BABY!

So it finally happened. My car was finally damaged (beyond a nail in my tire) at work. Because I know how sensitive we all are about my complaining at work, this post is *censored* so as not to piss anyone *cough* my wife *cough* off...but here we go.

I was sitting at my desk, working...when my boss-in-law comes high tailing it into the office. Apparently he got into a (usual) heated "debate" with someone trying to sell him some pallet shelving. There's an iron gate on our front door and he closed it quickly, locking this individual out of our office.

Words were said.

I didn't think much of it (as I work in a kind of DMZ). I went about my work in peace. A few moments later, my boss was shouting "He's smashing our cars!" Everyone involved (other than myself) being a coward, I shoved passed them and ran outside. This a-hole had been trying to leave the mudhole that is our parking lot/yard and had bumped my car with his giant Truck. That's what happened. The guy wasn't backing into all of our cars for "revenge" but that's what everyone thought. I went out there (no one tried to stop me, as I am insane) and talked to the guy. I didn't get mad because he was cool about it...and he was insured.

I'm getting it fixed Monday on his insurance company's dime (even get a free rental car until it's fixed). Though this story has a happy-ish ending, it could have been a lot worse. Most of the people visiting us are uninsured. That would have meant forking over $500. Yikes. I probably wouldn't have fixed it, now that it's paid off.

This is reason #11793 why I can't help jumpstart the economy by buying a new car (even though I want one). Anyway, even though hardly no one I know *cough* understands this, I'm going to give my car to my baby sister in a few years and I don't want it any more screwed up than it already is.

I know it's not that bad, but look what they did to my baby:

And Speaking of my weird ass artwork...

I can't believe it...but science (damn her) has actually proven that making THIS:

Class Hell

...actually helped me learn better. Weird.

Friday, February 27, 2009


One of my toy Godzillas:


Original photo:

This IS WHY you are Fat

Last weekend I showed my sisters a fantastically hilarious website.


I found this website using the "Stumble Upon" feature/add-on for Firefox. It is the funniest damn thing I've ever seen. It's also really damn disgusting at times. Essentially it's just a bunch of photos of INSANE food that people submit.

The best was the "meat ship" (with bacon sails) and the 60 pound block of rice krispie treats (that some stoner-college kids made in a cardboard box). This website is constantly updated and worth checking out if you're bored and/or just want to be grossed out.

Do not look at this thing when hungry. That's all I'm saying.

In Defense of The Jonas Brothers & Tinted Windows

This weekend, CORALINE is being kicked off all the 3-D movie screens (I hope you went and saw it in 3-D, but chances are you DIDN'T because you are lame...and you think it's just another lame kiddie movie). What's taking its place?


Now, I'm not a big fan of these Disney-Channel music acts (I'm looking squarely at you Hanna Montana), but what I've read and heard...The Jonas Brothers are alright. What the hell? "But Jason," I hear you say, "You like cool rock n' roll...what the hell?"

Well, look...I'm not an expert (only heard a few snippets on the radio) and I'm not saying I'm going to EVER buy an album or see this 3-D movie...BUT there are worse acts than The Jonas Brothers out there right now.

Why do I cut them some slack? Because of the following:

1. They play their own instruments.
2. They write their own songs

That's really what it boils down to for me. If you're writing and playing your own stuff, then you are already head-and-shoulders above Brittany Spears, etc. The same argument could be made for Hanson (remember them?) but there is one key ingredient The Jonas Brothers have that Hanson was/is lacking--they're actually kinda cool (if you're 13 years old I guess).

Anyway, I read an article in ROLLINGSTONE about how those kids worship Elvis Costello--The Jonas Brothers, that is--and that gives me a few extra points in my book. So there ya go. Lay off The Jonas Brothers.

And speaking of Hanson, I'm ashamed to admit that I'm probably going to buy the Tinted Windows album when it comes out in April 21. Tinted windows is a FUCKING INSANE super-group. Check out the line-up:

1. James Iha (Smashing Pumpkins)
2. Taylor Hanson (Hanson)
3. Adam Schlesinger (Fountains of Wayne)
4. Bun E. Carlos (Cheap Trick)

WTF?? Who put these people together? The age factor (Taylor Hanson is 27 while Bun Carlos is 57!) is startling...but the talent factor is mind-blowing (the lead-singer of Fountains of Wayne and the drummer from Cheap Trick in the same group!!! Holy shit). Throw in the guitarist from Smashing Pumpkins AND the oldest Hanson kid...and you have a weird, weird...WEIRD mixture. What I've heard is bubble-gum power pop (which is awesome).

Say What?

I think I may have damaged my hearing last weekend. Specifically on the ride back home to St. Louis. I have this tendency to listen to really loud music, and like Pete Townshend--it may be The Who's fault I am deaf.

Either that, or this listless/groggy/crappy feeling I've been living with the past few days is the onset of a cold (which could explain the weird feeling in my ear).

But, like my job situation we have a new taboo topic here at the Limemonkey ranch--my health. I can't talk about how I feel in any regard without my wife bringing up the dreaded "D" word. Look, I'm not afraid of them, I just would rather a flogging at the hands of Satan himself. Just thinking about a "D"-office makes me want to hurl. Everything is so fucking white and sterile. I just can't make myself go (and neither can you Leah). I plan on avoiding them forever (or until I die of an early preventable and/or cureable disease).

This blog post is going to get me in trouble.

Monday, February 23, 2009


In 2001 I graduated High School and started my long (meandering) journey through college. My first semester out at Longview was weird and wonderful. One of the people I met was Terri Lowry. Terri was a great instructor (the best I had at Longview, and one of the best I ever had) and has encouraged my literary efforts from day one.

God I used to write the worst poetry.


Anyway, Terri wrote a novel back in 1988 and I've never read it. I knew it was called FALSE STARTS and that it was out-of-print, but I could never lay my hands on it. On a lark, I added it to my wish-list on Paperbackswap, and amazingly someone had it (it appears to have come from an Indiana Public Library). The book came on Saturday when I was away, and now that I'm home I am putting aside Thomas Pynchon (and all his greatness) to read Terri's book.

I write this post for two reasons:

1. I think it's fucking cool that someone I know has an actual, honest-to-God novel...that was printed by something more sophisticated than an Epson Stylus C88.

2. I want Terri to write another novel.

Now, over the years Terri has read hundreds of pages I've labored over in her various classes (and at the Writer's Guild I tried to re-establish), the very least I can do is read her book. Which is what I'm going to do.

Kick Ass New Shoes

I did something last week that I rarely do: I bought shoes. I'm writing about this because it is such a rare thing. Leah wanted me to get some "adult" shoes I think, but I bought these instead (they were "Bogo" Terri).


KCWeekend 033

You will all be dead when I buy another's like Halley's Comet so enjoy it.

Wii Guns and Drinkin' with Murph in KC

This past weekend was great. I went back home and got to see my family, my sister's Wii, and Murph. Overall I came back feeling happy and refreshed.

Mission Accomplished.

Friday I got off work early (which is one of the nice things about my job) and hopped in the car and drove to KC. I'm usually not thrilled about this drive, but I took advantage of my car's CD player to keep myself entertained. Thanks to Bruce Springsteen and Ozzy the drive was actually kinda fun. I got home and had a "yuk" fest with my sister Amber. Neither of us is very good at anything--other than making each other laugh so hard shit comes out of our noses and/or we're crying.

Among other things (read:everything) her little dog, Rocky, was a source of amusement. Apparently the little guy doesn't like the vacuum cleaner. Apparently he really, really, really doesn't like it:

KCWeekend 002

Saturday I woke up early and had breakfast and banged on my baby sister's drums (see previous post). After that I went over to Amber's "love nest" over in Kansas. Her long-time boyfriend has a SWEET TV and a Wii. She and I spent the day shooting the crap out of Zombies (she had just purchased the new HOUSE OF THE DEAD shooter). It was a lot of fun. I told her we'd beat the game, and we did. Because we're awesome:

KCWeekend 032

I'm not a big gun person, and I'd never shot anyone/thing in real life--but these fucking zombies had it coming. Fuck them. It was more yuks with Amber, then I went at 7:30 and had drinks with my internet/blog/writing-brother-in-arms Murph (he of the infamously un-pc PONDERING TREE blog). Murph is a fascinating person (read: fucked up like me). We compared notes and it turns out he wins the "who has the craziest life" contest. Hands down. The guy just got back from New York, he's helping this Australian writer with his Sci-Fi books, he teaches at my old Junior College. He is living an interesting life.

It was good seeing him again (and actually being awake, unlike the last time when I "met" him and I'd come off an 18-hour shift).

Sunday was a day of reflection and nachos. I had washed my car and drove home. I had a good time in KC, but I missed my wife and her stupid dog.

Getting my "Keith Moon" On

Last X-Mas, my baby sister (who as I found out this weekend, ain't much of a baby anymore) got a sweet ass drum set from my parents. Growing up our house was pretty much instrument-free, save for the violin which I tried to play (and failed).

Lindsey, on the other hand, lives in a house with: a piano, guitar, saxophone, violin, and a drum set. She's lazy like I was/am when it comes to practicing, but unlike me she can actually play. Anyway, every time I go home now I get excited because I get to BANG THE HOLY SHIT out of these drums.

To the point where, people have to tell me to stop.

I woke up early on Saturday morning and (still in my jammies) rocked out:



Man is it fun to hit those things. I had a bunch of stress prior to goofing around on them...and I'll be damned if I was 100% stress-free after banging away for a few minutes. I can see why drummers are so laid-back.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

A Delicious Cup of Monkey Picked Tea

After a whirl-wind day out here in Kansas City (which I will write about later, when I'm home) I woke up in my old bedroom. It was weird. It was like the end of the Bob Newhart show, where Bob wakes up and his SECOND show was really just a dream that the Bob character on the original Bob Newhart show had.

Yeah, that was really complicated...but that's how my life felt this morning. I woke up, alone--in my old bedroom in KC and I thought, "My God, was all that St. Louis shit a dream?"

No, it wasn't. At least, I hope it wasn't (not all of it, anyway). What the hell was the point of this post? I'm still a bit groggy from last night. I got home at 11:30 after hanging out with Murph and I did a little more drinkin' (and I watched MY COUSIN VINNY which was on TV, that's a great fucking movie by the way).

Oh yeah, Monkey Picked Tea.

So I got up and ate breakfast with the family. Now I'm drinking my first cup of tea that WAS PICKED BY MONKEYS. Brenda bought it for me, I forget why...I think I was a Christma-Channnakkaua present of some variety (though I got it this week). The tea is good, very tasty and aromatic. Plus monkeys touched it, so you know it's good.

You should come and try it.

Friday, February 20, 2009

The END of Late Night With Conan O'Brien

Tonight is the last episode of Late Night With Conan O'Brien.

You know Conan, right? Big, red-headed Irish dude with the funniest late-night show on television. I've always loved Conan but going to college really made me appreciate his brand of strange humor. I used to stay up till 4AM studying/playing video games/whatever in my dorm room...all the while watching Conan.

He was more than a source of amusement--his show was also where I got (some) of my news of the today (not the serious know, the Paris Hilton updates). And at the end of every year, just as summer was approaching, I would sit in my dorm room and pack-up my things and watch Conan. This May shows were so great because he'd go and do his show in another city...

And New Year's Eve!

I can't forget about his annual "Midwestern Countdown." He was the only network guy to give us Midwestern/Central Time Zone people our own LIVE New Year's Countdown.

Conan is leaving us for a while, but he will be back. In June he's replacing Jay Leno over at the TONIGHT SHOW. The whole thing is a farce. Leno isn't leaving TV, he's getting a 9:00PM show. I'm fuzzy on the format, but I expect it to be similar to the TONIGHT SHOW. So then NBC will have the news, then Conan's TONIGHT SHOW, then LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON will come on.

Seriously. Jimmy Fallon? I thought that guy was dead.

Anyway, I love you Conan--but you're making a BIG mistake. Your brand of humor works at midnight...but at ten-thirty (when the squares are STILL UP) it doesn't. I think Conan is going to be shafted. I think the ratings are going to suck, and people will skip his show, like they do now. People that want Leno will still have him. The only difference will be that the suits will expect more ratings from Conan (being on earlier) and if he doesn't deliver...I shudder to think of a Conan-less TV world.

But whatever. I think Leno is being a bit of an ass. Johnny Carson was classy enough to stay off TV after he retired. Oh well, Leno's just a tool. I honestly have no idea why people think that Skunk-head is funny. His jokes are putrid and the sound of his voice makes my toes curl. Conan FOREVER!!!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

work ETHIC (Novel Update)

Yikes have I been slacking.

It's not all my fault--Leah's new work schedule means that we spend out nights together...meaning I now have to try even harder to stay on task. I'd like to think that I have a pretty good work ethic when it comes to my writing, but the sad truth is: I don't.

I work in spurts. Tonight I did a little more work.

I've decided to completely axe a whole, separate plot thread (the lame one). This, as you can imagine, requires a new ending (the old one tied them together--it was weak). It's also taking the page count down a bit (I've yanked out 23 pages, and I'm only 75 pages into the edit). Still, I think the second draft, once a new ending is attached will be readable.

Not that I'm going to let anyone read it until AT LEAST the third draft.

Ugh. It's going to be awhile.

Okay, here's what I'm going to do: work on it tomorrow night...take this weekend off...then HIT IT HARD next week. I'm talking seriously when I hit it, my fist will come out the other side (thus ruining the paper). Hmm...maybe not THAT hard.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Kansas City, this Weekend

I'm going home (by myself) this weekend to see my family! I'm excited.

Science as Religion: My loss of Faith

Let me tell you about how I lost my faith.

I was raised in a non-religious household. My parents were raised Methodist, but kinda gave up on religion after having some bad experiences growing up. From what I've gathered over the years, my folks got sick of the (human) hypocrisy within the Church. I think that overall this is unfortunate, and not really God's fault--but it's what happened.

I grew up with Science instead of religion. My parents didn't do this to me, but somehow instead of Christianity, I had Science as my religion. Religion, for the most part, is just a way of explaining why the world is the way it is. My Bible was National Geographic. I loved all things Science.

In fact, for a while (until about my second year of High School) I thought I'd grow up to be a scientist.

So what happened? Well two things happened:

1. I started having my math lessons in a fucking broom closet (not kidding, it was an actual broom closet)

2. I started to learn about the actual scientific process.

One of the fundamental flaws in our current education system is the notion of divide and conquer. Rather than "slow down" the super-smart kids, the dumb asses (i.e. kids like me) are separated from the general lot and taught at a "slower pace." Well this is complete stupidity. If someone is having trouble keeping up they shouldn't be taught SLOWER! They should be taught more, not less.

So thanks to government learning, my math skills got worse instead of better. I started having to leave during "math time" and relocate to one of the janitor's closets where me and four other idiots stayed dumb. Which was okay until Junior High when math and science converged into one giant mass of squirming tentacles. Junior High was also when Science class became more than memorizing.

Up until seventh grade, Science class was all about reading and memorizing "facts." This, it turns out, is pretty easy for me. I love reading and memorizing astounding facts comes naturally to me. But in Junior High Science class became more than just reading and regurgitating the facts back onto a test...we had to start cutting things up.

Let me take a moment to digress for a second.

If I could go back in time there are two things I would do differently in regards to being a student in public education. For starters, I'd refuse to cut up/dissect all those fetal pigs, star fish, tape worms, skates, rats, and owl pellets. I wish I'd had the guts to say "it is wrong for us to cut things up just to learn." Because unless you are in medical school, it is wrong. We are fully capable of creating synthetic models that can teach adolescent children the systems of the body. There is no reason I can fathom, that we should grow/corral innocent creatures just to cut them up.


Does that make me a fucking hippy? Then guess what? All you need is love/smoke more dope man...cos I'm a fucking hippy.

The only thing I cut up that I DON'T feel bad about is that nasty owl pellet (which was really just a big knot of mouse hair). The other thing I'd change is the pledge of allegiance--if I could go back in time, I'd refuse to do this. Is it because I hate my country? No. Is it, it has nothing to do with anything other than the actual history of the Pledge.

The Pledge of Allegiance originated as something ex-Confederates had to say in order to avoid being shot/killed as traitors to the United States. Then some time when by and Benjamin Harrison made a proclamation that had school children all over the nation doing it to celebrate (of all things) Columbus Day in 1892. Did you know that originally the Pledge DID NOT use the hand over the heart deal, but instead you used a sort-or Nazi salute? True. FDR did away with that during WWII.

Anyway, the Pledge has always rubbed me the wrong way. As an adult, I see it as a kind of sick brainwashing. Think about it--government run begin your day by swearing undying Allegiance (under God no less!) to said country. It smacks of wrong-ness people. I would have been that weird kid who got sent out of the classroom for not conforming, if I could do things over. Instead I did it, at the time, though the whole time I wondered why it was necessary. But I didn't "rock the boat" back then.

Now, back to my loss of faith in Science.

Where was I? Oh yes, cutting things up...

Yeah, cutting things up is wrong. Junior High Science class was full of experiments that had an end result. Didn't do something right? Your volcano didn't erupt? Just copy off your neighbor until it does...or you can fake it. Yes, most of the experiments didn't work--at least, none of the ones I did worked. Half the time, I couldn't get the stupid microscope to work. So instead of accurate observations I just lied and wrote down what I thought I was supposed to be seeing. This, children, is what Science really is: making what you think will happen...happen--to prove yourself right (or, in the "adult world": make what you think will happen happen, or NOT happen, depending on what will keep your job safe/assure your funding).

Science and actual religion have a lot in common. So much so that I often laugh at how hateful they are to each other. Both are so strict and dogmatic. Both grapple with the fundamental questions of life--most times incorrectly. Like Religion, Science is full of liars and hypocrites...people looking to make a name for themselves, or a quick buck. Science has it's share of fanatics, people who are so desperate to preserve the status quo that they'd just as well not do the experiments in the first place.

But, like Religion, Science is also full of good people--who because of their general doctrine (or in spite of it) do a lot of good work. I like the electric light bulb science has given me, and I'm glad there are soup kitchens run by priests so not all the poor people will starve.

However, just like the kid how grows up religious and becomes a "holy terror," I've grow up and rejected what I grew up with: Science.

I really hate pop-science. Those stories on the nightly news about some study that revealed such-and-such cures/causes some disease. Or that some guy can make a monkey pick it's nose with electric shocks. These people are snake-oil salesman. Just like a lot of climate change people, who either say it's happening or say it's not happening (and there are those) just to make a quick buck, or keep the funding rolling in.

I guess it's the Capitalistic/economic factor that makes me distrust both Science and Religion. The Church wants a donation (even though the Priest has a mansion and a sports car) and the Scientist will CURE that damn disease...but only if he can keep his job for a few more years...will you donate to continue the research?

No. I will do neither, you are clearly trying to fleece the scared and the weak-minded.

This post came about because Terri wondered what was up with all the Science books lately (I'm reading a book about Joesph Priestley (which is ironic considering he was a Theologian as well as a Scientist--and his "discovery" of oxygen). I guess like a lapsed Catholic, I still want to believe...and from time to time I'll go to mass...just to see if I can recapture some of that magic. That innocent belief that Science can be pure, unmotivated exploration of the world and it's wonders.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Elephants & Acid?

Elephants on Acid: And Other Bizarre Experiments Elephants on Acid: And Other Bizarre Experiments by Alex Boese

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
An interesting book, I heard about ELEPHANTS ON ACID from the Kevin Smith podcast (SMODCAST). This is a great, quick/bathroom read that will that astound and captivate even the least scientific-minded individual.

In fact, I will go so far as to say that book is less about the experiments AND more about the experimenters. Scientists are a strange group of people (drinking vomit to prove fellow fever isn't contagious? Yikes).

The book is a nice blend of the horrifying and the humorous. Having taken a basic psychology class I was familiar with quite a few of the experiments detailed in the later chapters--but nonetheless found the book entertaining.

Despite the books whimsical title, the book is at times, very disturbing (the fate of the elephants mentioned in the title is very sad), so don't pick this one up thinking it's a constant yuk-fest. This is the Twilight Zone of both science and the scientists.

Enjoy the weird.

View all my reviews.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

"A Bastard's Work is Never Done..."

After talking about it since finishing PULP FICTION, Quentin Tarantino's homage/rip-off of THE DIRTY DOZEN is 12 weeks away from release.

As a fan, I am excited. When I heard that Brad Pitt was going to lead 8 bad-ass Jews in an orgy of Nazi-bloodletting...I was pumped. Projects this long in gestation are either VERY AWESOME or VERY SHITTY. With QT you never really know what you're going to get--other than that fact that it will be bloody and have a kick-ass soundtrack.

Anyway, this week the teaser-trailer "dropped" (as the kids like to say) and the world finally got a look at Tarantino's latest baby. Sadly, after veiwing it twice, I'm a bit underwhelmed by it.

Here's the first trailer for INGLOURIOUS BASTARDS:

It seems to be going for the hokey/low-budget-ness of GRINDHOUSE (which was awesome) and less of the stylish-polish of, say, KILL BILL (which is an awesome, 4-hour flick that was split in two by ugly/evil studio suits).

It really doesn't matter, because I am SO THERE on opening day...but I'm slightly less excited (what IS up with that 'stash Pitt is sporting? Yikes).

Thoughts? Feelings?

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

This is so awesome I had to share....

I've had a pretty shitty day...

And tomorrow will probably be no day at the beach (boy does that sound nice), but I saw this and it made me smile. Go check it out: Improv Everywhere.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

CORALINE in 3-D!!!

Look, I'm a sucker for stop-motion animation/clay animation. I don't know why, but I find it MUCH more interesting that CGI (yes, even more than the fab PIXAR stuff).

Maybe because it's so tactile and real.

Anyway, I also LOVE 3-D movies (even though I've only seen a few). CORALINE, which is based on a novel written by Neil Gaiman and directed by the dude who directed THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS, is both stop-motion and (in certain locations) in 3-D.


The flick is creepy and moody--not quiet suitable for kids under 8-10 years old. The art direction is wonderful. The plot, while dark, is no darker than the 1,000's of Fairy Tales adults have been shoving down our throats for eons. CORALINE features a smart, resourceful, and ultimately brave FEMALE protagonist (something I wish wasn't so rare). Even though she's getting older, I think it's the kind of film my baby sister should see--only because it is so female-centric. Not only does Coraline save herself but (mild spoiler) she saves her parents and defeats a terrible monster.

So how was the 3-D? It was good. Unlike the 3-D re-release of THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS, CORALINE was filmed in 3-D. That means there were more shots filmed with the explicit intent to wow in 3-D. The glasses are polarized, so they're not the lame "blue-and-red" 3-D from our youth. They fit over my regular glasses just fine (in case you were wondering). The theater we saw it in was packed, and I was sitting next to a little boy who--like much of the audience exclaimed whenever something would "lash out" at us.

Hell, even some of the previews made good use of the 3-D.

Being the inquisitive youth that I am, I did take my glasses off for a second just to see what the picture looked like (it looked like a blurry mess). I recommend this movie because:

1. The style is unique and deserves to be revered.

2. The story focuses on a young girl, one that does not conform to stereotypical convention--Coraline is a regular girl, but she kicks ass and chews bubble gum when things get crazy. And I like that. I wish ALL OF US male pigs would figure it out more often that chicks can do more than be helpless.

3. The 3-D effects are pretty damn cool. It's still a novelty, but one that's (almost) worth the extra $4 and the noisy little kids (and the crowds). If I owned a cinemaplex, I'd demand my theater show 3-D movies. We went out of our way just to see this film in 3-D. Meaning: I changed my habits just to enjoy this added perk. Take note Hollywood!!!

So go see it.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary! THOUGHTS OF A LIMEMONKEY is three years old! Wow, I can't believe I've wasted so MUCH time. Oh well.

Here's to three more!

Tuesday, February 03, 2009


So I took the dog out tonight. That may not seem like much of a big deal to most of you (any of you) reading this, but it was a big deal...

So I took the dog out tonight, and while I was out there I got to thinking. Have you ever had one of those quick "thinks"? They happen to me, sometimes. You go over a lot of information in a sudden flash/burst. I had that. I thought about all the stuff I've done thus far in my life.

I said it was quick.

Anyway, I realized that I've done everything I set out to do:

Work in a bookstore. Check--
Work as security guard. Check--
Go to/graduate college. Check--
Visit Hawaii. Check--
Write a novel. Check-- (though you could argue I haven't quite finished that little endeavor)
Fool some girl into marrying me. Check--

You know what I realized? I'm done. I've done everything I wanted to do. I'm ready for retirement. Golden Pond here I come.

Now, I know what you're going to say: "Jason, your life isn't over yet! Silly boy, you need more goals. You should want more out of life."

Well aren't you a fucking joy-kill.

I think you're just jealous that my "to-do" list is resolved, while yours remains (it's probably still growing isn't it?). That sort of list making leads to heart-attacks and brain aneurysms. You should sit back, have some jello and take a sponge bath with me. In retirement. I'm ready to retire.

Neil Gaiman is CREEPY

Can't wait to see CORALINE (hopefully in 3D!) this weekend!


I'm currently making my second attempt at AGAINST THE DAY. I just crossed the 100th page today in the bathtub. Already Pynchon's novel of a 1,000 characters has introduced four times as many people than the cast of my entire novel.

It's daunting, but I'm determined to finish it this time. How am I so confident? Well I broke down and bought the damn thing, as opposed to trying to finish it in the time the library gives you. I still think it'll take me a month (or longer!) to read it.

Still, it's been very good...

First 8

Well I've slogged through the first eight chapters. The editing is going about like it did LAST time I did this--slowly. I find myself at times amazed at my brilliance and embarrassed by my short comings as I read. The rough patches have all been work-able, and other than one or two paragraphs, nothing major has been slashed.

But dear God it's coming. There was one section that I'm dreading (BESIDES the ending, which still needs work). I remember thinking "this is going to need some revisions" as I was writing this one section, somewhere after page 250.

Editing sucks but I know I need to do it. My manuscript is physically split in half so I figure I'll edit (with a pen) one half then go back and transfer my corrections to the electronic file before heading into the second half.

Ugh. It's hard.