Thursday, November 30, 2006

Snowfall UPDATE #3

Okay, so at 10:47 the ice started coming down here at the campus. Earlier reports of ice/slush were for areas north and west of St. Louis. Today before my Spanish II test the ice began. It picked up speed around 1:00 and by 3:00pm today the campus was offically closed. My friend Jaimie tutored me a bit (preping for that stupid math placement test) and we left in his car for my dorms.

Currently Leah is on her way here (despite the fact I told her to stay home) while Jaimie just left to pick up his brother from work...he claims he's going home to pick up some DVD's and then will return. This is pretty much not going to happen (at least...I wouldn't do it...we'll see if he feels the same way). The material falling is hard, sharp, ice. It hurts you as it falls.

Here are two (really crappy) pics of what it looks like outside my dorm...I hope to get some better pictures of the mayhem tomorrow. Enjoy:

Snowstorm UPDATE #2

30 minutes ago the rain turned into sleet/icy rain. The reporters on TV are saying "Stay home if you don't have to go out." Also, during the Today show, there were several (lame) school closings at the bottom of the screen. Also, traffic is slow all over the metro...and there have been....accidents! Buh-Buh...Buhhh!!!!!!!!

Stay tuned for more info.

The Great Snowstorm of 2006

Just woke's colder outside than it was yesterday (a nearly 30 degree drop in the temperature overnight). Currently it is 36 degrees outside (but with the windchill it feels like 28). It rained on and off all last night here at UMSL campus. I'm really, really excited about had better snow...

Stay tunned for more updates.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Fake Video Blog #1


P.S. Jaimie, if you're looking for your's on top of my microfridge (still).

Sunday Nite

Last nite was crazy...with a "c" and not a "k" (which is crazier). It started out innocently enough, me and Leah were watching a new episode of Family Guy. Her phone rang, I dumped her purse and handed her the phone. It was Jaimie. He came over. We went out for pizza. I listened to my '80s mix CD. We watched Aqua Teen Hunger Force and some other bits of Adult Swim. We also watched some funny ass shit on YOUTUBE. (The whole Kingdom Hearts/Resident Evil 4 thing is still cracking me up). And, of course, we stayed up too late and I got out my camera. Why do I do this? Because I like playing with my little toys...and because someday you will all thank me for documenting this shit.

Sometime around 1:00AM I got the bright idea to watch somed Cowboy Bebop. I forgot how much that show rules! I've decided that this week, after my homework is done...instead of staring blankly at re-runs I don't like (and didn't like when they weren't re-runs) that I'm going to sit down and watch Bebop until I've re-watched the entire series. THEN I'm going to watch that bootleg Samauri Shamploo boxset that Leah bought me for my b-day. So yeah, I have a busy week ahead people!

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Out for pizza

Today we went over out and went to Minskey's near Waldo. We had fun. My Great-Uncle David was there...I'm worried about him because he's very sick. I guess he's having some kind of test where they induce a heart attack on Monday. We're all worried. When we were driving back home I was kinda in a bad mood. I want to go home and get the drive over with. That and my folks are driving me insane. Tonight after dinner we're going home. We'll probably be home late tonight (11:00pm?). Anyway...tomorrow is going to be an absolutely do nothing sort of day. I want to read a book, maybe visit the park. We have to take Rusty to his little class. Fun, fun, fun.

I left school on a positive note (fuckin' A on my Grammar test!). I hope that when I return things continue to be so positive for me. I hate these last few weeks in the semester...everything is so rushed. Everyone is so time to just sit back and hang out. If you have a boring/crappy weekend you can't just say "oh weekend will be better," because there won't be another weekend to be better. I hate that I have to leave and come home. Everytime I leave KC, the more determined I become to never return.

Anyway, here are some pictures of our little day out.

Friday, November 24, 2006

A Few Pics From Thanksgiving

I meant to take a lot of pictures on Thanksgiving, but that didn't really pan out. Lo siento. Maybe next year? In the meanwhile, enjoy what little there is...

Week #7 Video Blog

Well this has been a slow week for my blog...I've been busy here in KC. Not really! I've been (sorta) relaxing out here. I expect to be back in St. Louis by the end of the weekend.

Without further is my video blog for this week:

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!

So the dinner is over. Leah and my Mom and sister are playing Scrabble. I just finished my second book,Ender's Game. I ate a lot and my Great Uncle David came over and gave me a ring that belonged to his grandfather...I'm going to use it as my wedding ring. was a nice, fuzzy day. I'm totally wasting my time out here in KC. I haven't done shit since I got out here. This has been a nice little break, but soon it will be time to go home.

But one question remains...what am I thankful for?

I'm thankful for my health and my family (and their health). I'm thankful for my friends (yes, I have a few) and I'm thankful that I've been given the ability to go off and live in another city an attend college. I'm thankful that I have a car that works. I'm thankful that I was born in the time I was born in and that I was born an American. I'm thankful that I have a woman like Leah in my life. Someone that puts up with me, but doesn't let me walk all over her. Someone who wants me to succeed and be happy. I'm thankful for books and music. I'm thankful for movies and concerts. I'm thankful that I have hair. I'm thankful that comic books exists and video games too. Life is but a dream...and all that.

Despite the stress and pain of life, their are wonderful pleasures in this thing called life. We all should be thankful for each and every one we get to experiance matter how small it may be. The smile of a child, a good book, the warmth of a fire (or a furry friend), whipped cream, ice cubes, UNO, and love.

I'm thankful that circumstances have allowed me to be here, writing this message to any and all of you who might see and read this. I hope everyone had a great/relaxing/family oriented day of feasting and reflection. It's easy for us to lose sight of what really matters, holidays like today help to remind us of what is really important.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Kansas City UPDATE

Greetings friends! Well me and Leah are finally settled here in KC. Last night we had dinner with my parents and my sister's boyfriend came over. We had a little movie night. We watched the new Wallace and Grommit (not that new...but I hadn't gotten around to seeing it) and CLICK with Adam Sandler. Wallace and Grommit was good, CLICK was just OK.

Today we got up and went downtown to the Jerusalem Cafe and had luch with Becky and her guy pal Johnny. It was fun. Then me and Leah went to the mall and wandered around. We went into GameStop and saw the Wii display model. Leah is very sad that she didn't get one. I feel bad that I'm not able to buy her one. I thought about buying her a cheaper engagement ring just so I could have money left over for presents. This is the first year since 1999 that I won't have any money to buy anyone, anything. I don't even have room on my credit card (ouch right?). Well anyway, I'll just have to think of something.

I'm worried about my friend Jaimie. I hope he has a good Thanksgiving. I'm not sure if it was/is a big deal...but where I come from Thanksgiving is. I couldn't imagine the holidays without a cohesive family unit. I admire him, and everyone else who trys to hold everything and everyone together. I'm not sure I could. I think that's why I'm going to have to have kids. Kids seem to renew meaning to a lot of things. I know that when my sister Lindsey was born things became new again. Not because I was experiancing anything new...but she was and her wonder and joy was contagious.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Week #6 Video Blog

Ok, so I went to KC today...dead tired...about to pass out...this crappy little video is all ya get this week will be better!


Thursday, November 16, 2006

Better than I expected

I'm really sorry this post is so crappy and minimal...but it's late...I'm tired...and I'm dealing with some personal stuff...I'll try to write more about this movie later on. Maybe once everyone I know has seen it.

Honestly, I'd heard so much pre-release buzz about how good CASINO ROYALE was that I wasn't totally blindsided by how good this film is. That said, even with all the buzz (and a super fan's high hopes) I never dreamed I'd see a Bond film like CASINO ROYALE. Pretty much take everything you know about the last decade of Bond films and throw it out the window. Gone is the predictable formula that seemed so fresh all those decades ago when Sean Connery donned the tux in DR. NO (which by the way is still the best Bond movie). Nothing can top Sir Sean's introduction to film immortality...but CASINO ROYALE comes damn close.

I'll spare you the lengthy plot summary/spoilers. Basically this movie is about a young MI6 agent named James. The movie opens with his "promotion" to double-O status (which of course you only get after killing two people). Bond's first kill is horrific, messy, and probably the most graphic murder ever portrayed in the series thus far. James's new job is very, very difficult. Luckily for him, he's tough as hell. I won't spoil my favorite moment of the movie, but let's just say that a certain long unused American character makes his return to the world of Bond.

Had there never been a movie called THE MATRIX there wouldn't have been a movie called X-MEN. Look at the first X-MEN movie, then go watch the first MATRIX. Yeah...there's some influence there, isn't there? The costumes. THE MATRIX was the best comic book movie NOT based on a comic book. Well, in that same vein...there would be no CASINO ROYALE without a little movie called BATMAN BEGINS. Same thing. This new Bond movie is doing the same thing as that Batman reboot. By injecting new blood and putting a new spin on what seemed old and tired...Hollywood is re-birthing some of it's best franchises. We the viewing public are the benefactors.

I give CASINO ROYALE five stars for doing what no Bond film since LICENSE TO KILL has showed me something new.


Expect a full review late tonight (like the second I get home from the screening).

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Who is dumb enough to want this thing?

From IMDB's news:

In the latest embarrassment to strike Sony Corp., the company acknowledged today (Wednesday) that many games designed for the original PlayStation and PlayStation 2 consoles are not compatible with PlayStation 3. News of the problem follows the rash of bad publicity over production delays involving the device, consumer hesitancy over the company's Blu-ray high-definition DVD devices, and especially a recall of laptop batteries that the company had manufactured. Sony had been hoping that the hugely hyped Casino Royale, due out this weekend, would produce revenue to offset the earlier ordeals. Sony managers were in London Tuesday to demonstrate how they planned to integrate the marketing of their products with the new film. Later in the day they attended the premiere of the movie at the Odeon Leicester Square theater -- along with Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip.

Okay...I own a PS2. I don't hate (it's my second favorite game system right now). But I have NO DESIRE to buy the Playstation 3. For one thing, it's too damn expensive. Secondly, name three games on it? I can't! There are no "Wow me" launch titles. Now we find out that it's not going to be completely backward compatible. Now, I hear you saying "But Jason, the PS3 is the most powerful gaming system available." I don't give a shit about Blue-Ray discs or HD-TV compatibility. I don't own either of those things. As far as "most powerful" the first generation XBOX was more powerful than the PS2, yet most people prefer ed it over Microsoft's system. Why? Because it 1. came out first 2. Had more games on it. Well by coming out last Sony is basically making sure that it's the system with the "fewest games." This problem hampered the XBOX (1) . Time will only tell if the fanboys are going to be able to save this system. Me personally, I've written Sony off. A mistake many people (me included) made about Nintendo. Speaking of Nintendo, it's new console the Wii is poised to take the gaming public by storm. Why? For one thing, this X-mas season YOU WILL BE ABLE TO ACTUALLY BUY IT. Secondly, the Wii is not the "same old thing." Have you seen the PS3? It looks like a PS2. The controller is nearly identical in appearance. The Wii has like three different controllers and Nintendo is hinting at an entirely new gaming experience. For the first a long, long while gamers and non-gamers are going to be on a (semi) level playing field. That's how radical this new game play is. The PS3 is a joke compared to the XBOX 360. Why? Lets start with the games. There are more games on it that the PS3 will have at launch. Duh, right? forward two years from now...that won't change. Even if Sony releases twice as many games a year as Microsoft. How is this possible? Because the XBOX 360 is backward compatible with the old XBOX video games. HA HA! Nice try Sony. You suck. Hope the PS3 doesn't explode like you stupid laptop batteries. The XBOX 360 also has a better online community. XBOX LIVE rules. I've been on it/used it. It's great and fun and easy for retards like me to figure out. Plus, they have games that work well on it . First person shooter, XBOX LIVE Arcade...I could go on and on. PS3 is sunk.

Microsoft has fucked me over (my XBOX 1 was very buggy and I ended up having to buy two). Sony's PS2 was cool because when I owned it I had games that most normal people played. "God of War" and "Grand Theft Auto" are awesome and it sucked not being able to play these very popular games. I felt...connected to my fellow nerds. I wasn't left out. The Ps3 is not going to be the "generic gamer" or "default" game machine like the PS2 was. It's too expensive and won't appeal to most people because of the lack of innovation and games. Honestly, Nintendo is the only company to NOT let me down. The GameCube had it's problems (mico-sized game discs), a small library of games, a crappy controller (sorry...the 'cube controller is my least favorite controller of ALL TIME. How often do you remember to use the thin, little Z button on the top left side? Exactly.), and a less than great engine (some games had amazing graphics, but most did not). That said, with the exception of HALO, all my current favorite multi-player games are on the Gamecube. Sony's PS2 had not multi-player games worth a damn (and I'm sorry, I shouldn't be punished/forced to buy a multi-tap to play with two of my friends). So, despite a less-than stellar Gamecube, Nintendo really hasn't ever let me down. Not like Microsoft and Sony. And Nintendo has had WAY longer to let me down. All the hand-helds and first party games...all rock. The closest thing to a failure this company has had is the red screened "Virtual Boy." Okay, so they let me down once. Nintendo DS beats the Sony PSP (Microsoft is smart enough to stay out of the hand-held market). Nintendo will, mark my words, dethrone XBOX as the #2 system. Here's how the console wars will end (my prediction):

1. XBOX 360
2. Nintendo Wii
3. Word Jumble
4. Seduko
5. Cup and ball games
6. checkers
7. That crazy Japanese chess game Jaimie told me about
8. punching yourself in the groin
9. horse shit tossing
10. PS3

Nice. And there ya go.

P.S. This rocks:

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Sonny's Blues

Tonight I read a short story by James Baldwin, "Sonny's Blues." Like all my favortie books/stories "Sonny's Blues" was an honest, sometimes hoplessly bleak story. THE OUTSIDERS by S.E. Hinton and Fitzgerald's THE GREAT GATSBY have a similar effect on me. I become wrapped up in the story, and it's a very realistic that's not like what you see on TV or in the movies. The hopelessness and the helplessness...the powerless feeling that you have no control over your life...that everything is beyond you. The great saddness of life--dissapointment. Of course, since it's art there is a bit of hope and redemption in the end. Which is always good. Anyway, I started out wanting to write something really detailed and deep...but I'm suddenly very sleepy. Anyway, if you ever have a rainy afternoon to kill you might check out "Sonny's Blues" it's really worth the read.

Monday, November 13, 2006

(Fake) Homeless

So today was our last day of talking about The Grapes of Wrath in my American Literature class. I tried really hard to pay attention, but once again my thoughts began to wander. So I wrote this little piece in response to a question me and my friend Jaimie had about my first Homeless piece. Enjoy...

I stand at the base of the off-ramp, perched on my little concrete island. A dark, shabby man…I’m dirty but not so filthy that you can’t still see yourself in me. My clothes are dirty and ill fitting—but I’m not wearing rags. I’m not the ghost of humanity…I guess I’m closer to a zombie of Western civilization. The non-living and undead. I stand there, clutching a neatly printed lie:

“Homeless Vet
Please Help $
God Bless”

I invoke God and country in a clear, calculated bit of manipulation. I’ve never even been a Boy Scout…let alone the military. Despite my meek, beaten down visage…I wage an aggressive assault on your morality. I pray on your guilt and fear. Fear that someday you too will be poor and desperate. A little spare change buys you some peace of mind…and me some booze. People accuse me of being useless—but that’s really not true. I provide a very important service. I contribute heavily to modern society. I’m like a garbage man, hauling away all your unwanted feelings of guilt, remorse, and sympathy. I remove the burnt ends of your conscience.

I own a beat up Ford truck and live in a rundown apartment. I struggled for years against the current, back when I was younger. The drinking took away my job and I was left looking for work. I got hungry, so I did what comes natural to a starving person—I begged. It was difficult and shameful. Eventually, over time…it became a little easier. I spiraled downward into this life. It became my job while I was between jobs.

Now it’s my life and livelihood. I’ve given up trying to keep my head above the water. I’ve let myself sink below the water. Not that what I do is easy, far from it. I stand for six, sometimes seven hours a day. The summers are long and hot. The winters are short and cold. Rain pelts my shoulders and face, chipping away at my features. Like any salesman, I hear the word “no” all day long. Rejection is the name of the game. So is physical violence. Some people, they see me and get angry. For some, it’s because they can tell that I’m not really destitute. Others however, lash out because they are frightened. They’re scared that what they are seeing could one day be them. I’ve been punched, slapped, kicked, scratched, and spit on. Hell, one lady even pulled my hair. The police harass me daily. This is a hard job, and make no mistake…a job is what it is.

We all pretend to be something we’re not. You pretend to be an honest, hard working person…I’ll pretend to be worse off than I am. Be sure you understand the distinction that I’m making; I’m not pretending to be poor—because I am. No one gets rich begging for spare change.

Sometimes, early in the morning I watch the sun rise over the city. I think about those massive columns of steel and glass. Man sure is capable of great, mighty things. When I was young, I remember when those men went up and touched the moon. It’s hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that nothing separates men who touch the moon…and men who wear rags begging for money. There’s a devil that sits on my shoulder…sometimes I hear him whispering. Whispering about how hard life is, and about how I’m trapped here by this off-ramp. I can’t see a future or a past. Not just for myself, but for anyone. Everyone. “People are really just animals,” I hear my little devil say. “All of this crap is really just pointless. You’ll die and be forgotten just like I will be forgotten. Maybe those astronauts who touched the moon will be remembered as long as people exist…but someday there won’t be any people. Someday the last man will die. Then we’ll all be forgotten, and it won’t matter who you were or what you did. We’ll all be equals in the eyes of decay and time. So why even try?”

That’s the question I asked myself. I answer I came up with is this life. This lie.

“Hey buddy, can you spare some change?”

Maybe you’ll buy some of my lie. Maybe you won’t. Either way, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. The sun sets and my days over. I walk back to my truck and drive home. Tomorrow I will get up and ask you for your money again.


So me and Leah's concert was postponed until March 17. This is acutally good news because me and Leah are old foggies...we stayed up too late last night and weren't really feeling like going. Plus I have a bunch of homework to do, so this is acutally a good thing. This is the third time this has happened to me. The first was back in 2004, when me and my sister, Amber, went and saw Guided By Voices in Colombia. The first show was postponed for three months. We went and the show rocked (the story is famous...maybe I'll write about it sometime). The second time this happened was back in 2005. Me and my Mom went and saw Elvis Costello in Kansas City...drove all the way downtown...and oops! Show is postponed, Elvis has a sore thorat. We ended up seeing him the day before I left for Hawaii. Good times, the show was great. That was the last concert me and Mom went to.

Here is a list of everyone I've seen in concert:

Paul McCartney
Tom Petty
Tina Turner
Cindy Lauper
Lucinda Williams
Sonic Youth
Guided By Voices (X2)
The Apples In Stereo
Apollo Sunshine
...And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead
Explosions in the Sky
Franz Ferdinand
Pretty Girls Make Graves
The Bravery
The Dead '60s
Ben Harper
Jack Johnson
Eric Clapton
Doyle Bramhall II and Smokestack
John Mayall
Eric Bibb
B.B. King
John Hiatt (X2)
The Strokes
Old 97's
John Eddie
The Rolling Stones
Elvis Costello
The High Water Marks
The Redwalls
The Raveonettes

The next show I'm supposed to see is JET at the Pagent next month. Let's all cross our fingers and hope that this show actually takes place.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Busy week AHOY!

Well today is Sunday...which is the first day of the week. Are you following all this? My week is going to be unusually busy. I have a concert on Monday (MTV2 Two Dollar Bill Tour at the and Leah are seeing 30 Seconds to Mars, Head Automatica, Rock Kills Kid, Cobra Starship, and The Recieving End of Sirens). I have a paper to write and two (count 'em) tests on Thursday, yeah. Me and a shit load of people are going to see CASINO ROYALE. Friday me and Leah are going to hop in the car and drive out to K.C. to enjoy a nice, week long break. Thanksgiving Break couldn't come soon enough! I'm not going to say that I'm going nuts out here...but I'm going nuts out here! The rest and relaxation are just what the doctor (Dr. Jason) ordered.

There's like a million things I should be doing, and a million things I could be writing about...but frankly this weekend (like so many) has been pretty much a waste. Ugh. Please send help.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Week #5 Video Blog (parts one and two)

Yikes...what a mess...

Here are some pics from our trip to Forest Park:


Today I was tested. For whatever reason, I went to Spanish class early...way earlier than usual. I got to the classroom and the lights were off. I went inside and, all alone, I found a black leather wallet sitting in the seat infront of mine. I picked it up and looked inside (to find out if there was any sort of ID inside). I saw a credit card with a picture and a name on it. Before closing it, I saw that there were about six $20 bills. Now...I'm not "poor" per say...but I do need money right now. A hundred bucks is a lot of money to me right now (ironic because over the summer I was pissed that my checks were like $50 shy of a grand). However, that said...not for one second did I consider stealing that money. I didn't for one moment even consider taking that money. I pocketed it and took it upstairs and found my teacher in her office. I showed it to her and told her the situation. We both went and found the teacher who uses the classroom before our class. From that point I washed my hands of it. My teacher, Susana Walters, told me to write a note on the chalkboard.

On the way out some random academic type said something to me like "that's really commendable" or some shit like that. Fucking people, they're so amazed when someone does something decent or good. It should be the other way around, people should be shocked when someone doesn't do the right thing. The world should be full of incidents like this. I know my teacher thinks I'm like this burnout/loser/stoner-type. I sit in the back and am getting a nice fat "C." I had long hair (wish I still did) and I have scruffy clothes/facial hair. So she was really surprised that I offered up this wallet. Like she was surprised that I'm not a criminal. I really hate that. I know that I judge people, often very quickly...but frankly I'm usually pretty right about people. I can tell fairly quickly about a person. So I guess I shouldn't be so pissed that other people have this dillusion as well...still...anyway, the best part is this:

After class I went to the cafeteria to get something to eat...and found out I'm down to my last $7.00 on my meal plan. Isn't that great? I'm so poor!

Me and my friend Jaimie went to a lecture about Miyazaki (the Japanese Walt Disney). It was acutally really interesting. It made me want to go out and watch me some anime. Because I was attending that however, I didn't have time to go to the gym tonight. That made me feel crappy. I'm currently going through "workout withdrawl." I would have had time after the lecture, but me and Leah had tickets for an advanced showing of A GOOD YEAR. Which, by the way, was really good. At first I wasn't too sure if I was going to like seemed like it was something I'd already seen before. By the end, however both me and Leah were laughing and having a good time. I was overall a good flick. My biggest problem with it was how it was shot. The film's director, Ridley Scott, isn't known for romantic comedies (which is what A GOOD YEAR is, don't be fooled by the's not a's a date movie). Anyway, Mr. Scott has this thing about filming all his movies in the most gritty/jarring/documentary-type way. This style didn't really fit the light tone of the story. Other than that little thing, it's pretty good. I'd say you should check it out when it comes out on DVD. It's nothing to go rush out to see, though. It'll make a great rental though. I'm really excited about next week's free movie...CASINO ROYALE.

Speaking of movies that aren't out yet, I saw the new SPIDERMAN 3 trailer...needless to say I wasn't wowed. The F/X look kinda cheap and CGI-ish. Like a video game. I'm hoping this had something to do with the fact that I was watching this on my laptop and not on the bigscreen. Maybe when I see it with the new Bond flick I'll be more impressed. No Venom, lots of Black suit Spidey and Sandman. Great. For some reason I'm not very excited about this movie. Not like I should be. I have a freakin' subscription for Ultimate Spiderman for cryin' out loud! Now the next Batman movie...that's a different story. I'm really excited about that...too bad that doesn't come out until...2008. Ouch. Oh well, maybe by then I'll actually have some money so I can afford to see it.

It's really early Friday morning...I need to think up something to do for this week's video blog. Hopefully it won't be too lame. Anyway, I need to finish up my laundry and then go to bed.

Thursday, November 09, 2006


No one, I think, is in my tree

I mean, it must be high or low

That is, you cant, you know, tune in, but its alright

That is, I think its not too bad

Welcome to the Newness

So E-Blogger got an upgrade last a result I decided to update a few things here at "Thoughts of a Limemonkey." Enjoy.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


So in American Literature II today I got bored hearing about THE GRAPES OF WRATH and wrote this little thing about poor/homeless people...

You can’t see me, I’m just a ghost. I watch you pass me by everyday. At the subway station, outside the convenience store. I’m ragged and beat down; my clothes are brown paper rags. Denim and sweat pants.

“Spare a dollar? Can you spare a dollar?” I ask when you pass by. Sometimes you frown, embarrassed you say:

“No, not today.”

Other times, most times, you just keep right on walking…like you didn’t even hear me. That’s because you didn’t, I’m just a ghost. A figment of humanity. You probably think I was born this way, but I wasn’t dead on arrival. I was once like you. My past, like my future, is of no consequence to anyone. Hunger, despair, and loneliness are my only friends. They follow me faithfully as I haunt this jungle of steel, glass, and concrete.
Did you know it’s a crime to be poor? It’s against the law to not have a home, or a single cent in your pocket?

“You can’t stay here! Leave!”

I’d go home if I had a home to go home to, honest I would. Sometimes I get lucky and for a brief instant someone sees me—a child usually. For a brief instant I feel human again. Offer me a smile, a meal…hell…a simple look my way is like golden honey for my soul. My life will be a lot shorter than yours—but I spend an agony of time, an endless sea of time alone with my thoughts. Thinking. Just thinking. About my alcoholic step-mother. The first time I smoked weed. Or the time I saw my cousin Tommy strangle our pet cat, Millie. I see Millie sometimes pacing in the dark back alleys of this world. Pawing at a half empty trash can looking for food to fill her spectral stomach.

I think about school and jobs. Jobs I had, and jobs I’ll never have. The days are long and quite. The nights are short and loud.

Have you ever tried sleeping under an overpass? It’s loud and hot, like pressing your ear against the door leading to Hell. There’s a feeling of being stepped on, walked all over. I bet you’ve driven over me a thousand times this year alone. Did you even blink?
I used to be angry, but I forgot what I was angry about. Is there someone to blame? My parents, teachers, friends, politicians, guidance councilors, society? You? Me?
Sometimes, late at night if the moon isn’t out, I go by my old school yard. I sit on the edge of the property and drink out of my paper bag. Drink and think. Could this whole damn mess have turned out differently? Often I can almost make out the faint outlines of children. Children running and playing. What do you call the ghosts that haunt a ghost? I don’t know. I’ve given up.

Basically we’re pretty much the same—you and I. We’re both trapped behind pale eyes, forced to see and experience a few decades of tragedy. Like you, all I’m doing is waiting. Biding my time to die. Do I expect a better life in the great beyond? No. I can’t really say whether or not I’m expecting some kind of cosmic reward at the end of things.
I’ll get a really bad cough one winter, and I’ll eventually spit up my bloody lungs. Or maybe, some bright sunny summer day, I’ll take a few steps onto the warm street…and a city bus will plough right through me—because you can’t really hit a ghost, not really. I’ll just pass right on through, never to wake up again.

I guess there are places, somewhere for people like me. They’re called homes and families. I’m not sure where they are, or how I wandered away from that place I used to belong. Maybe I’ll find my way back. I have nothing, nothing that is but time. So, I’ll wander around looking for a place to settle down. Trying vainly to get someone to see me for more than a few seconds.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My ugly mouth

I need to quit shooting my ugly mouth off. It's not a funny thing to say whatever you're sit there and stutter through your thoughts, spilling your stream on consciousness all over everyone. I have three problems you say. You have three solutions I say. Imagine that for second, how much stupidity and courage do you have?

I don't even know what I look like, they can never show a picture that looks like me. I don't even know what I sound like, my voice is nicked and tinny on your answering machine. What secrets are locked in a heart that doesn't know it doesn't know anything?

Now for something much happier...

Ok, that last rant was pretty damn negative (even for me). So, to cheer things up (and get that last post off the very top of my blog) let me give everyone (anyone?) who reads this:

Go to iTUNES right now and download the "Free Single of the Week." It's by this cute little british chick Lily Allen. The song is "Smile" and it is really good. It sounds all happy, but the lyrics are kinda sad (she's happy her ex-boyfriend is sad/crying). Anyway, it's a little bit pop/little bit regaee. It rocks, you should download it this week (hey it's free!).

My other "family" is driving me crazy already...shoot me now!

Well first off, I'm really excited because today I got a two free passes to a sneak preview of the new James Bond movie next week. I am a total Bond freak, always have been. I always knew it was near the holiday season growing up, becuase there I'd be staying up late watching the TBS 13 Days of OO7 movie marathon. I love that stuff, even the really, really lame/bad ones (I'm looking at you MOONRAKER and A VIEW TO A KILL). The previews for CASINO ROYALE have all looked great, and seeing it both early and too much for my little boy heart to take.

I took my stupid tests today--I didn't fail them. So that's good. I had a pretty nice giggle fest today in the cafeteria with my friend Mike (whom I'm making skip work to go and see the Bond movie next week). So that made me happy.

Then I came home and saw Leah and we talked. We had a converstation that made me start thinking all these grown up thoughts. Like how I need to get my shit together and start taking care of her. She's in a really bad place (physically) and I feel obligated to help her get out of her parents house. Her mom is a psycho bitch. There is just no other way of putting it. Between her being crazy and her controlling/ruining our wedding I'm getting fed up. I wish I was out of school so I could work enough to support us both and take her away from all that crap. I have NO intention of EVER taking a dime from that woman. Ever. If Leah can get some help with the wedding that's her. Me personally, I don't ever want her help. She uses money to control people, she treats people like puppets. You talk to her and she doesn't hear a word you are saying. Sometimes I want to call her out, and be the one who puts her in her place. Other times (most times) I just feel sorry that she is alive. Someone who is hated as much as she is (by people other than me and Leah) should just be put out of there misery. I'd rather be dead than so hated.

Boo-hoo her parents were in the Holocaust. That gives her the right to ignore her daughters? To not even attempt to be a decent person? Fuck that, there are people who are had worse hands than she was delt. I'm not pissed about fucking dollars for a wedding, either. I'm pissed about her being crazy and making Leah stressed out. Stealing money from Leah to pay for her school and then lying about it and saying she's "helping." Telling Leah she didn't get any help with her college when the reality is--she was given all kinds of help. She didn't want to be a mother, at all and she makes sure we all know that.

I guess she's a great lawyer. At least that's something. Her house is a pretty good metaphor for her--the house is in a nice part of town...but it's neglected and not it's rotting inside and out. Nothing good ever lives there. I've been in some strange households, but that one takes the cake. That house is a slummy, pay by the hour hotel. The people living in it are strangers. Leah loves her dad, but even he seems (to me) to be rather cold and distant. I don't understand how people can grow up in a house like that and not end up just like that. Leah's not a cold person. She tries really hard to please people though, too hard. She wants everyone to be happy.

Anyway, I'm already sick to this wedding stuff, and am once again fed up with her mother. I hate that Leah is so happy planning our wedding because I'd just assume we run off and get married alone. Isn't that terrible. Thanks mom*.

*NOTE: I will NEVER call/consider that bitch my mother (or mother-in-law).

Monday, November 06, 2006

Pics From This past weekend (oh the fun I had!)

Oh yeah...these babies are REAL!

Just went back to Ain't It Cool they had to yank those pictures down. SONY made them do it!!! Which means those pics must be 2legit to quit!!! Good thing I decided to save them.

You're all welcome!

Behold! The (possible) monsters of SPIDERMAN 3!!!

Okay, so I took a break from studying to have me some cereal. While I was doing that, I decided to surf the net a bit. One of my favorite geek/fan sites is Ain't It Cool which gives a TON of scoops out on media of all types (except music...they recently just branched out into video games...but they're coverage really sucks on VG's). ANYWAY, there is much sepeculation online about what the villians of SPIDERMAN 3 will look like. So far we've only seen Spidey in the teaser trailers. All of that may change this week (or is it next?) because there is supposed to be a new, extended trailer coming out (I think it's going to be attatched to the new Bond flick).

ANYWAY...Ain't It Cool News may have hit upon a major scoop concerning SPIDERMAN 3. Now, this is all may just be fan art...but the images below are supposed to be a leak from Activision (a company that makes video games) that reveals the designs of the Spiderman villians. These clearly CG images are supposed to be renders for the movie-tie game. If these are real...then this is basically what the villians of the movie will look like.

First we have Venom:

Then we have Sandman:

And lastly, we have Harry Osborne as the second Green Goblin:

The reason I decided to save and post these pics here, rather than just post a link to the article is...if these are real...they will be yanked within the HOUR. I've seen this happen before and it makes me sad. I've tried to show several people something cool/leaked and gone up to the site and seen it's been pulled (the rule of thumb is, if it's yanked off the's REAL!!!). So only time will tell if these are real or just a hoax.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Happy Guy Fawkes Day!

Remember, remember, the 5th of November The Gunpowder Treason and plot; I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason Should ever be forgot.

No I stil havent seen V For fact, this little bit of history was completely lost on me. THAT IS until tonight when I was watching Adult Swim. During one of the "promo bumps" they mentioned that it was "Guy Fawkes" Day. Neat huh? Yeah, Fawkes was a Catholic psycho who wanted to kill the Protestant King of England and both the House of Lords and the House of Commons (seriously, why the House of Commons?). Anyway, I think it's funny how this guy and Osama are pretty similar to one another (religious fanatics trying to exact change via bloodshed) and yet Fawkes has been imortalized by both a childrens poem, comic book, and now motion picture. Truly this is yet another example of how one man's freedom fighter is another man's terrorist.

Maybe someday in the far, far future...they'll make a movie in which a "freedom fighter" wears a Osama Bin Laden mask.

Speaking of comic books...I've almost seen all of Hellboy. Each time I almost see all of it I find it really entertaining. Today after breakfast me and Leah went to the Borders on Brentwood and after reading the CliffNotes for my reading assingments I picked up a collection of Hellboy stories. It was really, really good. Am I an uber-nerd for still reading comic books? Part of me wants to start drawing my old book "The Adventures of George and Timmy." It was great. I really regret throwing it out all those years ago. I worked so hard on it...grrr....grrr....if you ever spend any amount of time creating something NEVER under any circumstances just carelessly throw it out. You will regret it someday. I think it's really cool to go back and look at my old works. Anyway, if I decide to start my book back up again, I'll have to post a few pages up here.

Things I'm excited about:

Casino Royale
Flushed Away---we didn't go see it this weekend
"The Gambler" by Fyodor Dostoyevsky (thank's for buying it for me Leah, I owe you $2.50)
Thanksgiving break
Seeing Lindsey again

Things I'm pissed about:

I ate too many cookies tonight (thanks though Leah, they were good)
my two tests on Tuesday (ouch)
I'm too busy to just sit and read like I did this summer
E-blogger's crappy photo up-loader
This stupid list

Friday, November 03, 2006

Video Blog Week #4

Well this week you're all in for a real treat...two video blogs for the price of one! Enjoy people...

This is probably the most dangerous thing I do everyday....

Thaaaat's all folks!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Thursday *Update*

Okay, so E-Blogger is finally letting me upload my pictures from earlier. As a side note, I got a B- on my Spanish II oral (bien!). I went to Grammar and found out I'm passing (with a C, but there is pleanty of time to bring it up (or down)). And I went to the gym with Jaimie. So yeah, good times were had by all.
This is the pile of reading (two books) that I have to do this weekend.

This is the little magazine that I was published in this week.

So, this weekend is going to be pretty reading intensive for Mr. Jason. Also, tomorrow is my weekly video blog (so don't forget to tune in for that). Hopefully me and Leah won't get shot tonight at dinner (this being the country's most dangerous city).