So now what?

I'm sitting here at home, listening to semi-inspirational/contemplative "adult" rock. Okay, actually I'm bouncing back and forth between Steely Dan's "Reeling in the Years" and Nick Lowe's "So it Goes." I find that my mood and outlook on life/the future changes by the minute now (as opposed to by the hour, like it did when I was still in school).

I started reading for pleasure again. I'm re-reading Charles Dickens A CHRISTMAS CAROL. I think it's going to be my new tradition this time of year. As I grow older (and live in and among agnostic-jews), I find my beliefs are all very muddled...but this book has such a great message for humanity, I cannot resist it. May ever Scrooge have a change of heart...

I'm here all alone in the apartment, Leah went with her sister and friend to see the "Body Worlds" exhibit down at the science center (dead bodies? no thanks). She's going to New Mexico on Wednesday, leaving me alone here in STL until I drive home for the holidays. I plan on using the time to update my resume and apply for a few jobs. I also plan on finishing THE MOSQUITO VINE. The subject came up over dinner the other night and more than a few people want to read it (so I need to finish it, so I can put it down for a while before I edit).

What about the "longterm"? Well, that's a damn good question, isn't it? Honestly, I have two ideas in my head right now--and boy are they both a lot of work. One, get in shape and enter the police force. That summer I spent in KC working along side the KCPD left a strong impression on me. I went online and learned a little about what I have to do to become a cop. First things first--I need to quit smoking (again) and lose about 20 pounds. Then I need to start working on being able to do: 33 push-ups in one minute, 40 sit-ups in a minute, and 1.5 miles in under 13 minutes. I've never been real keen on athletics, but I think the best plan of action is to take up a sport of some type (may as well have fun).

My other idea is to *GULP* figure out a way to go on and get my Master's Degree. I'm thinking creative writing (I think this is what my mentor Terri in KC did). I have no idea where the money will come for this...and the GRE scares me the shit out of me...but I think I could do it.

Actually, my friend David gave me a great boost of confidence a few days back in an email. Basically he was like "you didn't give up over the summer when your feet blistered and bled...so you're probably hard-headed enough to do anything." It's funny, but I never thought about it before, but I am pretty determined. My big problem is just getting starting (and figuring out what it is I'm going to start). Either way, I see a crappy, "temporary" job in my future.

Oh well: "so it goes, so it goes, so it goes..."