Answers

Here we go:

1. Why am I so lame?

I guess it's society/my parents fault. I don't have many hobbies or friends (because I'm boring and because I'm an asshole).

2. What are the top 5 things you would change about the world and how would you do it?

If I was "King for a Day" I'd ditch the nukes(1), lower taxes(2), shrink government in general(3), spend whatever it takes so that everyone has access to clean drinking water(4), and I'd teach junior high kids how to use "protection" (thus cutting back on STD's, abortion/teen pregnancy, and increasing Trojan sales) (5). I think there is too much government in our lives (my life at least) and that I (foolishly) pay too much of my own hard earned money to support red tape. I also think the only way to end diseases like AIDS is to get real and teach kids how to have sex as safely as possible (as opposed to living in a fairy-tale world where kids aren't horny and out of control).

3.Why did you become an English Major?

This one is going to make you laugh. I was a History major (after being "undecided for half a decade). Then I got into the second half of my first semester, and even though I was taking two Junior-level History classes (and getting A's) I had an crotchety 80-year-old Asian Civilization teacher (who lectured sitting down, behind a podium) who gave me a C- in his 1000-level Freshman class. It was a crushing blow, getting a "C" in what was supposed to be such an easy class (mind you, we were only graded once, and that was the Final). Meanwhile, I was in Junior English (the one for non-English majors) and I was writing all these creative papers and blowing my teachers mind (most of the people in the class were business majors, who didn't want to read or write). I became the teacher's pet, and she gushed over me...and I thought, "hell, this seems to be what I'm good at...I should do this." Plus, I couldn't picture a place for me as a history major in the "real world."

So I became an English Major so I could "get a good job." Which is a laugh, because the English degree ain't much better than a History one (in the end). I don't regret it though, because I read some fucking fantastic books, met some cool people, and realized that I shouldn't give up on my dream of writing.

So there ya go.