So I shop at SAM'S Club. I'm a member only because my Dad is a member and he let me join his account. Leah and I are just two people, and even though we're big people...we rarely need 50lbs of anything.
Still, every now and then I'll go and pick something up.
Case in point: Prior to driving home to KC for Thanksgiving I went and bought a giant party tray of baklava. My sister Amber LOVES this stuff (it's good). It's one of those "I'm getting it for you...but it's also for me" kind of things.
Anyway, TODAY JANUARY 30, 2009 (like 2 months later) SAM's Club sent me a letter stating that my baklava tray was probably poisonous.
Now, there are two things about this that scare the shit out of me:
1. Clearly SAM's Club is keeping tabs on my ass. Watching what I buy, keeping track in some sort of database. This is creepy in a big-brother sort of way (Jesus, I can never run for President because they'll know I like UTZ's Pub Mix...my fat ass can eat 15 pounds of that a week).
But the REALLY scary part is...
2. That baklava tray is gone. We ate it TWO MONTHS AGO!!! Thanks for letting me know...I'll be sure to hop in my Official Doc Brown Delorean and make sure I don't eat 6 fucking pounds of potentially poisoned baklava.
You know what? If two months from now you find out that I you may have accidentally fed my poison...just keep it to yourself. I'm alive, you're alive--don't do it again, but you're cool.
Apparently this is all linked to that peanut butter scare (that is strangely making me crave peanut butter). I heard on NPR that a shipment of peanut butter from this Atlanta plant was rejected a few months ago in Canada because of "a putrid-smelling layer of film, unsuitable for human consumption."
You know what freaks me out about THAT statement? They make it sound as if there WERE SOME putrid-smelling layers of film that ARE suitable for human consumption.
Jesus, I need a drink.