Thursday, April 24, 2008

Cold Turkey

Yep, it's that time once again. Time for me to quit smoking (again). Partly for health reasons, mostly for the money--it's time to give it a try. I started smoking back in 2003--the result of peer pressure. Not because I was taunted, per was just that everyone I worked with smoked. One day I found a cigar in the security booth I was stationed at, and my curiosity got the better of me. It was downhill from there. Cigars are the worst things on Earth you could smoke. They cost more and smell worse than cigarettes. Which is why six months later I started smoking Camels.

I quit back in 2005 the summer before I moved to STL-land (and went to Hawaii). My motivation at the time was women. Ladies hate a smoker (for obvious reasons). I didn't start smoking again until me and Leah separated in the Spring of 2006. I "quit" last time by sheer force of will (and started up again because I lost my one excuse not to smoke).

Last night, at around this time--I had my last cigarette. For those of you who don't smoke, the urge--the physical urge to smoke, is this beautiful...deep...ache that alternates between the back of my chest and the tops of my lungs. It's a mental itch that actually feels good the worse it gets because you find yourself thinking "boy will it feel good when I scratch" (i.e. get a smoke). And it would feel good, of that I have no doubt. But I also know that I threw up last weekend after a day and a half of no I know that if I went and bought a pack I'd feel worse and not better.

I've read that the first 72 hours are the worst, because that is when you must battle the physical addiction. I'm drinking shit-loads of water to combat this part. But that's not the hard part. You see, I am a terrible creature of habit. I get stuck in ruts/routines very easily. That's what makes smoking so hard to quit. I smoke to and from work. I smoke when I first wake up. This is just what I do. So, if I can overcome the physical dependency of nicotine...AND the ritual of smoking I'll only have one last hurtle: My friends.

Part of the reason I think I can succeed this go-round is that I'm not in college. My two best friends/classmates are smokers...and when I'm around them, it's damn near impossible to not smoke. English majors, for some reason, are HUGE smokers. I have never understood this, but this is (thankfully) no longer a factor.

So anyway...please wish me luck. Also, pray for Leah (the last time I tired to quit, she told me to never quit again) because she now has to deal with me.


Anonymous said...

I'm rooting for you.

If you have medical insurance that covers it, I have heard success stories from colleagues who took Chantix. They see it gives them wild dreams as well.

I'm "fuming" as I type.

Jimu said...

you can do it!!

good luck!!

Jason said...

Thanks guys. Leah's insurance is really rad, and would totally cover medication...but that's for pussies. I know I can do it. Also, I need to punish myself in some way for smoking in the first place.

I'm drinking lots of water and working out. I'm going to be fine.

Brittany said...

I still laugh when I remember the times (twice!) Leah caught you smoking when we were standing outside of class.

Good Luck, kid.

Jason said...

Ugh, yes...thank you. No matter how hard I try to block all that out, I'll always have someone to remind me about that, won't I?