Tuesday, February 03, 2009


So I took the dog out tonight. That may not seem like much of a big deal to most of you (any of you) reading this, but it was a big deal...

So I took the dog out tonight, and while I was out there I got to thinking. Have you ever had one of those quick "thinks"? They happen to me, sometimes. You go over a lot of information in a sudden flash/burst. I had that. I thought about all the stuff I've done thus far in my life.

I said it was quick.

Anyway, I realized that I've done everything I set out to do:

Work in a bookstore. Check--
Work as security guard. Check--
Go to/graduate college. Check--
Visit Hawaii. Check--
Write a novel. Check-- (though you could argue I haven't quite finished that little endeavor)
Fool some girl into marrying me. Check--

You know what I realized? I'm done. I've done everything I wanted to do. I'm ready for retirement. Golden Pond here I come.

Now, I know what you're going to say: "Jason, your life isn't over yet! Silly boy, you need more goals. You should want more out of life."

Well aren't you a fucking joy-kill.

I think you're just jealous that my "to-do" list is resolved, while yours remains (it's probably still growing isn't it?). That sort of list making leads to heart-attacks and brain aneurysms. You should sit back, have some jello and take a sponge bath with me. In retirement. I'm ready to retire.


Jimu said...

my only thought is you might want to help your partner with some of her goals...

last I read, she had a lot.

I sadly wish I had either of your issues..

I don't have any goals. and so I feel lost and wander a lot.

Jason said...

Leah does have a lot of issues. These will be tackled in my new retirement status.

Jimu said...

right after fly fishing practice, and before whittling I assume.


Jason said...


Terri said...

You have to watch squirrels too.

I remember having an assignment as an undergraduate to write a satire like Swift's "Modest Proposal"--my idea was similar to yours: allow youngsters to be "retired" until age 30--when they had the energy to do all they wanted--and THEN retire, knowing they had nothing more to look forward to than working.

Maybe you could be a house-husband.