Thursday, August 28, 2008

More Gear Grinding...NUTS!!!


Time for some more "Gear Grinding."

I asked Leah to pick me up a snack at the store yesterday, and she bought us some mixed nuts. Actually, she bought us a giant tub of "mixed nuts," from Wal-Mart. Now, I know she was trying to do me a favor, but I would have never bought this stuff.

Why? I hear you asking. Do I have something against mixed nuts? No. I love cashews, pecans, almonds, etc. I even don't mind peanuts. But I do hate being swindled.

Thus begins the grinding of my gears.

Okay, so she bought this stuff yesterday, and we've consumed about 1/3 of the can. I know, we're pigs. We should slow down, because our bodies really don't need all that sodium. Whatever. Anyway, 1/3 of this can is gone. And yet despite assurances from the label ("Less than 50% Peanuts" my ass) all we have left is peanuts.



Oh sure, if you dig deep enough you'll find a stray cashew-half. And of course, there are a dozen or so giant Brazilian nuts. Who wakes up wanting to eat Brazil nuts? These things are like overweight peanuts. They're a bit crunchier, I guess...but for the most part it's just a swollen peanut--so they really don't count.

The bottom line is: I bought "mixed nuts" not "Some other, better nuts plus a shit-load of peanuts." And yet, no matter what the label says, that's always what I get. The mixed-nut industry is a sham. There is no such thing. It's just some a-hole unloading all his nasty peanuts.

Things that piss me off (in order):

1. Poverty
2. The KKK
3. Mixed nuts
4. Flat tires
5. Emo Rock
6. Kidney stones

Good God, I hate mixed nuts more than kidney stones! I've had a kidney stone...it sucked. I peed blood. I'd rather pee blood than be ripped off by mixed nuts! It's a scam, don't fall for "mixed nuts." Don't you see!!!??? They're just selling you peanuts!!!!!!

2 comments:

Murph said...

What? You don't like them goober peas? Why, goober peas is good eatin' man.

Yeah, I don't like goober peas either.

I'll tell you what grinds my gears.

Politicans making promises that I know they won't keep. That grinds my gears.

Respects,
Murph
Northtown, Missouri

Jason said...

Dude. Peanuts sold under the guise of "mixed nuts" suck.

Politicians suck too, though. They all lie, it's very sad. I don't know what else to say about that...except that I will have a tough time come November...