Thursday, February 21, 2008

The "Pepsi Vampire"

In keeping with yesterday's theme of vampires, I thought I'd share a strange recollection I had earlier. After I wrote my review of the new Vampire Weekend album, I thought about how inappropriate the band's name is. That's a big trend in music--having a really ironic name. Whatever.

Anyway, it got my thoughts wandering to other "inappropriate vampires" I've known over the course of my (very short) life.

My parents tried very hard to keep me and my sister out of daycare. But, things happen, and when I was in fourth grade we were both enrolled in an "after school" program at a church next to our elementary school. It was fine, for the most part. But some of the kids were really strange. One of them would run around, flapping his arms like bat. He used to tell me and my sister that he was "a Pepsi vampire." Whatever the hell that meant (I guess he sucked blood out of the necks of Pepsi cans).

Besides his blatant eccentricity, what made his claim so compelling where his two incisors--they were very narrow and pointy...almost like fangs. I'll never forget that crazy fucking kid. Never.


cylver said...

If you have large canine teeth, you can actually bite through a soda can, right where the shoulder of the top meets the body (where it starts to go vertically) and suck out the goodness inside.

Not much more effective than popping the top, and worse for your teeth, but possible.

Don't ask how I know.

Of course, you could do the same at the bottom edge, and shotgun a beer that way.

Jason said...

I have lousy teeth...I think if I tried something like that, my teeth would shatter.

You know a lot of strange trivia, why do some people have such strange teeth. This kid looked like a freakin' Saber-toothed Tiger!!! It was freaky.

Leah said...

Childhood memories playing tricks on you again


Every time you access a memory you slightly change it because your adding to it and don't know it, The feelings and thoughts or even discussions about it are added to it and can actually change everything about the memory. Im sure there was a strange attention seeking boy who told you and your sister he was a pepsi vampire but you and your sister probably talked about him or told your parents and they may have agreed with you that the boy was strange. And so your memories said ok lets make him really strange, or as strange as your mind can handle. He may have had odd teeth but they probably were not vampireish.
You can actually make someone remember things that never happened , its interesting. but i dont think everyone wants to read psychobabble so Ill leave it at that.

Murph said...

Jason, you don't have to go to daycare to meet screwy kids.

I met one when I was five at an apartment complex in Riverside, Missouri (fine place, ahem). This kid told me his first name was a certain expletive which involves fornication.

Well, I didn't know what the "name" mean or what fornication was but I went and told my mom that I met a new friend.

When she asked me what his name was, I told her.

And got a mouth full of lava soap for my troubles.

There is a band name for you. A Mouth Full of Lava Soap.

On the Friday Video Blog Front, you could do the really shitty weather we're having in Missouri.

Northtown, Missouri

Jason said...

Wow. I never got the whole "soap-in-th-mouth" stuff. I guess I lucked out as a kid, because it never happened to me. That said, that Lava soap is serious stuff. I'm surprised you're still able to curse...

As for the Friday video blog, I have the night it better be amazing, huh?

Jason said...

Hey Leah:


There ya go!


Murph said...

My parents in tandem with experiences in the United States Army restored my ability to use expletives in a copious and fucking prolific manner.

Yet the taste of Lava has never full left my mind. Curious.

Northtown, Missouri

Jason said...

Ha! I'll bet the Army did help you with your cursing...isn't it like, required?

Murph said...

Tis fucking mandatory, man.

Hell, to write a truly accurate military story, every other word spoken would have to be the F-bomb.

None of the YouTube vids I've watched from Iraq that weren't scripted indicate that things have changed much.