My Funeral

We are all mortal. Someday, we will all die. Morbid, but true. Now I don't want to rush things...BUT! In the unlikely event that I do not outlive you all (and get to wallow in self pity) this is what I want my funeral to be like. Please, no diviations:

I want a serivce, but not a Christian, Muslim, or Jewish one...something non-demominational. Universal. I want an elephant and hula girls. I want to be cremated (naturally) and my urn placed on a mantel somewhere, maybe Lindsey's house. All of my Earthly possessions are to sold, the profits to which should go to a charity (not any of the ones that are currently sending me junk mail). In fact, scratch that...I want the money to be a prize for a literary contest: The Jason Wendleton Memorial Literary Contest. Short fiction only, please, none of that poetry crap. Whatever money you get should be split into three, for the first, second, third prize winners to enjoy.

Okay, about the service...after my Universal service I want "Stairway to Heaven" to be played. THEN, I want the B-Side of The Beatles "Abbey Road" to be played. Everyone has to sit there. Now, just to help you out...the B-Side starts at "You Never Give Me Your Money" and ends at "The End." Once that parts over (and the coda "Her Majesty" is over too) everyone can go home.

I want these instructions to be carried out, because you know I'd do it for you.