Best Man

So the wedding is on September 21, 2008. We're already getting started though (I found out these huge, life altering events take a LOT of planning). Actually, Leah is doing the planning. I'm just shaking my head and saying "whatever you think" a lot. I feel bad, I should be more involved. But honestly, I don't really care too much about it. The flowers and things...not the wedding itself. Blue flowers? Okay. This china for the dinner? Fine by me.

We've been talking about "the wedding party" and it's made me realize that I don't have many friends. I am not a very social person, true. But that's not my biggest problem. No, my problem is keeping my friends once I get them. I tend to just let relationships drift away. Case in point: my old guard buddy Steve (10-5). We were the best of buds. It was very unlikely that we would become close. He was a little older, out of college...attending a Seminary. He was married, from Ohio. He worked second shift the first six months or so I was posted at Westside Business Park. Then Randy Blackwell got fired for leaving the post one too many times. Then Steve transferred to my shift so he could see his Misses more. We quickly became friends. He's a lot like me. We'd spend the nights talking (in person, or more often over the phone). I used to sit in a dark, cold one man booth and talk to him for hours on the phone. Oh the conversations we'd have. I didn't realize it at the time, but they were the only thing that kept me going during some pretty dark times. God, politics (God how he gloated when Bush was reelected), art, music, old times, college, death, work, life in general. We liked to play jokes on the rest of the crew. We'd fuck around on the radios...it used to drive our bosses crazy. I loved every minute of it.

We hung out after work. Before work. We went to like six or seven minor league hockey games. Played N64 (Goldeneye all the way baby!) and my XBOX. Our mutual friend John Going would come over sometimes. His wife didn't care for me too much. Made Steve act like a kid again, I guess. We picked up each other's mannerisms. People would get us confused on the phone or radios (we sounded a bit alike). Then we became a pastor and I went off to college. It was great, actually, the way it ended. We both left the job at about the same time. I was feeling bad when I told him I was getting my Associates and leaving for St. Louis. But then he got a job offer in Indiana. So we both closed a chapter at the same time.

I told him that we wouldn't be able to keep our friendship going strong, and I was right. I called him in Hawaii (Pearl Harbor) he called me in South Dakota (Mount Rushmore). The I called him from St. Louis (the Arch) and he called me from Memphis (Graceland). It was our little, running joke...calling each other from landmarks. Then, I guess we ran out of landmarks...or something. We did the email thing (I actually just wrote him prior to writing this) but it's been ages since I've heard from him.

Just before we quit, we started a book club. He picked C.S. Lewis's THE SCREWTAPE LETTERS. We both bought used copies and read it, then talked about. He was always trying to (gently) get me into the Jesus camp. It was nice. I found the book the other day and felt all warm and tingly. Life is funny, when you stop and think about all the really great people that drift in and out of your life. At the time you don't see them for who they really are (fantastic, amazing people) you just sort of take it for granted that they are there and they are who they are. I think that's a good metaphor for life...it's great and you don't realize how nice it is...you always seem to think it'll be there. Then it ends and you're sad. Not because it's over, but because you didn't realize HOW fantastic a ride it was until the train stops.

I have people like that now in my life. People I like (dare say love?) who I know in five years will be long gone. Dorm people, classmates, friends. People who I could (and do) stay up all night just talking to. People who will probably never amount to anything "grand" or whatever...but none the less are the most brilliant, colorful characters. More lively and comic than all the people in Shakespeare. I find it both sad and beautiful. Then there are the people who will stay, at least until the very end. They are good too, but in a different way. Obviously they're good, or else they wouldn't be "forever" kinds of people. I guess I'm just a silly romantic...fussing like I do for the people and things I have to give up. Say goodbye to.

What sucks is when you don't get to formally say goodbye. Like the bookstore. I walked out thinking I would be back the next day...but that day never came. I sad "bye" to my co-workers...but we didn't say "goodbye" or whatever you're supposed to say when you know you'll never see someone again so long as they live. Not because you don't like them enough, just that life is hard and complicated...and sometimes the road forks two ways. You're going one way, and they are going another.

I'm supposed to pick a "best" man for the wedding. But, truth be told, I have about six "best men." Some I can just barely recall...others I know today. It doesn't seem fair to me...only choosing one person. So, I guess the person I do pick will be a representative. A Congressman, if you will, representing all the boys and men who I've known and parted ways with. Those are pretty big shoes to fill, I'd say. I hope my friend writes me back, just so I'll know he still thinks of me as his friend. I still think about him, and all those other people that make life worth living.