Notes on "Last Blast" and Why I Couldn't Make Movies

I emailed another (I think pretty good) story to David. It's called "Last Blast" and if you remember me talking about it (while I was working on it) it's about juvenile delinquents. Basically, what happened was--I Paperbackswap-ed a bunch of old S.E. Hinton books. I love Hinton's book THE OUTSIDERS (if you haven't read it, please do kids, it's a great book). Hinton wrote a bunch of books about troubled youths, all of them are good...but her first (The OUTSIDERS) is the best. I'm not sure what's more amazing, the fact that Hinton is a woman (who renders very believable male characters) or that she wrote the book before leaving High School. I'm not saying women can't write male characters...but Hinton chooses to write mainly about them so often. And never once did I think Hinton was a chick. She knows the male mind THAT well. Okay, so now that you all think I'm a sexist...

Anyway, "Last Blast" is sort of my 'homage' to her. What can I say? I used to shy away from that sort of thing, but frankly there is nothing original under the sun--so what the hell, why not? I can't remember if I gave a date for the story...but you should note David, it does NOT take place in the modern world. The term "gang" in the story is misused by the characters (they're really just a group of friends) but even in the realm of my story...gang does not equal what it does today. This, my friends, is a problem I have. You see, I have read sections of "Last Blast" but I haven't read ALL of it. I know, I know...I need to read what I write. And before I submitted "Death for Breakfast" I read it and made corrections. But for some reason I hate reading my own work. Even when I get things "right" I'm still embarrassed.

A lot of actors are that way, too. Some people can watch themselves on the big screen...others can't. I could not. I think that's why I NEVER want to be a filmmaker. The kind of movies I'd make I'd rather SEE than make. If I made them, to me they wouldn't exist because I couldn't really enjoy them. They'd be this thing I did. I like telling stories, the kind I'd read myself, but I get no pleasure out of reading what I create. All I see are the problems and what should have been. "I should have done this" or "I wanted this to be stronger, but it turned out this way...it works better as it stands, but I wanted it this way..." that sort of thing. I'm glad the world is full of filmmakers, a few make the kinds of movies I like. That's good because I couldn't fill the void if they weren't there. I guess I'm too big a movie fan. Also, I am a control freak...and I don't think I could work on something that (creative) that was that big. I'd micromanage the whole set. When you're writing, you get to be be director, producer, hell...you even have your "actors" doing and saying everything just the way you want them to (no complaints). Like moving little action figures around a stage in my head.

Anyway, I'm interested in hearing what David has to think about "Last Blast." Be cruel, in the kindest way possible.