My Brother.

I have two siblings--sisters in to be precise. I love them both, Amber was my best friend growing up...and Lindsey is the one who will still play with me (video games!). But secretly, I've always wanted a brother.

Even though I know we probably wouldn't get along. Even though I know we'd be in a constant state of competition. I still always wanted a brother. This is probably the thing that will make me yield to Leah about having multiple kids (I want one, she wants at least two).

In many ways Amber was my brother, we were so alike growing up. But then puberty happened, and we kinda starting becoming different. Our dynamic became different. It's no one's fault, it just the way it is.

Then I went to Longview (Community College) for orientation night--and my world changed. My cousin Spencer was there! We didn't plan it, but we both ended up there at the same time. Growing up, Spencer and I hung out a little, but nothing beyond holidays and family get-togethers. Clinging to each other (metaphorically, if not literally), we plotted our schedules together.

Having similar academic goals (we didn't know what we wanted to do), we took all of our classes together. For the next two years or so, my cousin Spencer and I saw each other a LOT. It was great, Spencer and I would take classes together. We studied together. We hung out in the cafeteria with the same psychos together. Sure, it wasn't all wine and roses...towards the end we got on each other's nerves a bit. I didn't try as hard in school as he did, but got about the same grade (which pissed him off I think). He got a little sick of my loopy, and sometimes gloomy outlook.

But he became my brother.

After he graduated from Longview, he went off to UMKC and I (eventually) moved to St. Louis to attend UMSL. We've drifted apart over the years since. Even as I write this, I want to pick up my phone and call him...but I can't. I don't know why. I guess I feel bad about all those New Year's Parties I canceled on. Or all the times I went to KC and didn't go visit him.

When I finally decided to get married, I had a tough choice for Best Man. I don't have many friends...at least, one's that I know for a fact I'll still know 5-10 years from now. Spencer was the only person who fit the bill.

He gave a really good speech at my wedding, about how alike we are. It's true, even though we weren't raised together--we somehow came out very similar. In fact, it seems like I can't call him up without discovering some new oddity we both share. The most recent example being our love of baths. I returned his call a few weeks ago, only to be told by his wife that "Spencer can't come to the phone right now, he's in the bath." Not only was he in the tub, he was reading (something I love to do).

Not so coincidental if you're a 13 year-old girl with a BFF named Heather...but if you're a 25 year-old man it's pretty damn strange.

One of my new goals is to keep in-touch with him better than I have. He's a great guy and he means a lot to me...oh crap, let me just say it:

I fuckin' LOVE you Spencer.

Alright. I feel better.